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Dressing down "You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the suspect. "And what did you steal?" "A dress, your honour," replied the suspect. "One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!" "Yes, your honour," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife didn’t like the colour." Waiting on horse An urbanite retired and moved to the country. Every morning he put on his denims and a straw hat and made every effort to become a country gentleman. One day an old friend came to visit him from the city. As he was showing him around the farm, they came to the gentleman’s pride and joy...a fine-looking horse. "I go for a buggy ride almost every morning. How about a hitch up old Sea Biscuit and we go for a ride?" said the gentleman. "Suits me," answers the friend. The gentleman started to harness the horse, but the animal resisted having the bit put in his mouth. It was obvious that the new farmer had no idea how to harness a horse, and after the tenth attempt to get the horse to open its mouth, the guest said, "Why don’t you wait until he yawns?" Post office robbery A post office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly handwritten envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of $100. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn’t receive some divine intervention. The worker organises a collection among the staff, and come collect $ 96. They get it to her by special courier the same morning. A week later, the same postal worker recognises the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the $ 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. "P.S. It was four
dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Fairy tales A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time...?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise..." Drunken love Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
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