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A wife caught her blond husband searching high and low all around the living room. Wife: "What are you searching for?" Husband: "Hidden cameras!" Wife: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Husband: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying ‘You are watching the Star World Channel’. How does he know that?" Heavenly justice Sam was a preacher, but golf was his passion. It had rained every weekend for a month and he was dying to play a round. Sunday was the first sunny day in weeks. So he called his head deacon and told him an emergency had called him away. Church would have to be cancelled. He realised he couldn’t play at a local course someone might recognise him — so he drove two counties away and teed up on a course he’d never played before. Meanwhile St. Peter was watching Sam from heaven. He called the angel on weekend duty and said, "I’ve got a preacher who cancelled church to play golf. Come here and administer appropriate punishment." The angel appeared as Sam was teeing off on hole 4, a par 3. The ball lofted and landed precisely in the hole. "You gave him a hole-in-one??" Peter asked incredulously. "You call that punishment?" "Yes," the angel replied. "Who can he tell?" New daddy A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, and then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I’m waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another." Old and alive When my granddaughter was about five years old she said, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you." It brought tears to my eyes upon hearing what I thought was a wonderful compliment. Of course, I had to ask, "Why do you want to be like me?" She replied, "Because when I get old I still want to be alive too." Colour me young I had been thinking about colouring my hair. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-colouring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband, "How do you think this colour would look on a face with a few wrinkles?" He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. "Just great, Honey." Defective floor A woman joined a health spa and on her first day eagerly joined in an exercise class. However, when it ended she went to the front desk and requested cancellation of her membership. When asked why, she
replied, "Your floors are so low that I can’t touch my
toes!"
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