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Webside humour
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!” “No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t tell him! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well.”
Board meeting
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members,” explained the minister. “I know,” said the man, “but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I’d like to meet him.”
Tee time
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind speed and direction. This was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner said, “What’s taking you so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answered, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, man.” the partner responded, “You’ll never hit her from here!”
No kid stuff
At the end of the factory shift, a worker was asked to purchase some supplies. The conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and the factory had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches. The worker drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind
him in the checkout line peered at
the purchases, he exclaimed, “Must be one heck of a kid!”
Mowed
The man passed out as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialled 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. “It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.” Checked
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.” The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. “Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s post-dated six years from now.”
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A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination was playing tricks. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
