Webside HUMOUR

Furry deal

A hunter raised his rifle and took aim at a large bear. Just as he was ready to pull the trigger, he was shocked to hear the bear talk. The bear spoke in a soft, soothing voice, "Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let's see if we can negotiate." The hunter lowered his rifle, and replied, "I want a fur coat." "Good," said the bear, "That is negotiable. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and work out a compromise." They sat down to talk and after a time the bear got up and walked away. He was alone. The negotiations had been successful. The bear's stomach was indeed full, and the hunter had his fur coat!

In the eye of the storm

An angry woman stormed up to the reception desk of a private eye hospital. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"  "After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly." "I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."

In a spot

The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot. The young driver jumped out and said: "Sorry Pops, but you've got to be young and smart to do that." The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap. "Sorry son, you've got to be old and rich to do that!"

Witty witness 

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defence lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes," says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" He quickly replied, "I can see the moon, how far is that?" 

Doggy talk

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for $ 5." 
The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding ?" Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated 10 times.""Hey!" said the neighbour. "Why do you want to sell him for just $ 5?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his stinking lies."

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