Webside HUMOUR

Blind horse

AN out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn’t move.

Then, the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Bruno, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!"

Dieting problem

Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture on the week's topic — the problems of dining out. She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried. Finally, she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"

Replied one woman quickly, "Running into you."

Weight loss therapy

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all we do is fight anymore. I’ve been so upset that I’ve lost 20 pounds."

"Why don’t you just leave him?" asked the friend.

"Oh! Not yet," the first replied. "I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

Saying sorry

A woman with 14 children, ages one through 14, decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.

"When did he desert you," the judge asked.

"Thirteen years ago," she replied.

"If he left 13 years ago, where did all the children come from?"

"Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry."

Doctor’s advice

A guy says to the bartender, "A glass of your finest ‘Less’, please."

"‘Less’? Never heard of it."

"C’mon, sure you have."

"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?"

"I’m not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink ‘Less’."

The defendant

The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?"

"No your honour", replied the accused, "I’ve got a lawyer to do the defending. I'm the guy who done it."

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