Webside Humour
Bedside manners

Susie’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. “You know” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, “you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?”

“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling to herself.

“I think you’re bad luck.”

Good job

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

“Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

Second attempt

Arriving home from work at the usual hour of 5 pm, a husband discovered that it had not been one of his wife’s better days. Nothing he said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so he suggested that he would pretend that he had just got home and start all over again. His wife agreed. He went out, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, “Honey, I’m home.” “And just where have you been?” she replied sharply. “It’s after seven o’clock!”

Beware of the Dog

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

He said, “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” “Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Being precise

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marvelling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?” The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma

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