Webside HUMOUR
Finding wife

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “You know I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the woman.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Illustration: Sandeep Joshi

Effective Notice

A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
“Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”

Customer care 

A customer called an airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. 
The worker asked him, “Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card?”
The customer replied, “V-I-S-A”.

Deer crossing 

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
Turning to a co-worker he said, “I wonder how long he’s been waiting to cross?” 

Emergency case

The elevator in a building malfunctioned one day, leaving several occupants stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, one of them dialled the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you. I’m a psychologist.
“A psychologist?” he replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?”
“Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?”

Tough question

An eminent forensic psychiatrist was called to testify in court. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
“Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her dishevelled dress and hair and reseated herself on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
“Well, Doctor,” continued the district attorney without changing expression, “perhaps if we start with an easier question.”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma

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