Webside HUMOUR
Total control

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with the old rancher. "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

"Okay, but don’t go in that field over there."

Reaching into his pocket, he removed his badge and said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land."

The rancher nodded politely. "I’m sorry," and with that he went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams. He looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life with the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull in hot pursuit.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Show him your BADGE officer, show him your badge."

affair to remember
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Doug suggested.

"But what if my wife finds out?"

"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!"

So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."

"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that, it never worked."

Sleep time
The wrinkled old crone got on the train and, exhausted, retired to her bed, which was the upper berth in a sleeper car. Shortly after falling asleep, the woman was awakened by loud snoring from the lower berth. She tried wrapping the blankets around her head, but to no avail; finally, she kicked her heels on the mattress. Moments later a man’s voice came from below.

"Save your energy lady," he said, "I got a good look at you when you came on board."

Dog grooming
A woman took her dog to the groomer at pet store for a haircut and asked what will it cost. The receptionist looked at her from behind the counter and told her that a bath and haircut started at around $50, but there were many options, so the price could vary. Holding on to her dog's leash, the potential customer was visibly outraged.

"I only pay $25 for my own haircut!" said the woman indignantly.

The groomer replied, "That may be true, but then you don’t bite, do you?"

Character witness
A young biker was called into court for destroying a tavern in a brawl. He appeared before the judge and said, "Your Honour, I am not guilty — my reputation is spotless."

Unimpressed, the judge said, "Do you have any witnesses who can vouch for your character?"

The young man pointed to a man in the corner. "Sure, the sheriff over there."

Taken by surprise, the sheriff stood up and declared, "Your Honour, this man is a liar. I have never seen him before in my life!"

The young man turned to the judge and said, "See? I have lived here for 15 years and the sheriff doesn't know me, ain't that character reference enough, Your Honour?"

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