Webside HUMOUR

Blowing the candle

AN issueless woman, who had been married for five years, went to the Church to pray for a child. The priest heard her prayers and asked, "You don’t have any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet Father," said she. "Well, now, I’m going to Rome next week, and I’ll light a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later the father met that woman again in a street. "How are you Mrs Smith?" said the Father. "Oh, very well," she replied. "And tell me," he said, "Have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I’ve had three sets of twins, and four singles — 10 in all."

"Now isn’t that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he’s gone to Rome to blow out the darn candle".

Tough condition

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.

"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it’s a deal, on one condition."

"What is that?" Lisa asked.

"You’ll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.

Officer shortcut

A Navy officer, serving on an aircraft carrier, was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.

"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.

"No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either."

Razor request

Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave. After being nicked by the barber several times, Ronnie says, "Hey buddy, have you got an extra razor?"

The barber replies, "Well, yes sir, I do. Would you prefer shaving yourself?"

Ronnie said, "Well not exactly but I thought I could defend myself."

Diamond necklace

An irritated wife calls her husband on his cell phone and asks, "Where in God’s green earth are you?"

"Darling, you remember the jewellery store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said "Baby it’ll be yours one day"?"

"Oh, yes!! I remember that, my love"

"I’m in the bar right next to that shop."

Heart attack

Two elderly ladies meet in the market after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear, I’m very sorry." replied her friend, "What did you do?"

"I opened a can of peas instead."

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