Webside HUMOUR

Quick service

Three Insurance salesmen were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies’ service. The first one said, "When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening". The second one said, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in two hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening".

The last salesman said, "That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the building. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 35th floor, slipped and fell. We’ handed him his check as he passed our floor".

Fast delivery

An old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $2.40 for fast delivery or $1.30 for slower service.

"There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is delivered within my lifetime."

The postmaster glanced at her and said, "That will be $2.40, please."

Haircut robbery

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing.

"Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"

"No I haven’t. What’s the problem?"

"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"

"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He’s carrying one of his ears in his left hand."

Simple Operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A man stopped him and asked, "What’s the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry. I’m sure it will be all right.’" "She was just trying to comfort you. What’s so frightening about that?"

"She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Movie Survey

A TV channel was conducting a survey on whether there is too much sex in movies these days. An old lady was walking through the mall when the reporter and cameraman stopped her. "I’m taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"

"I’m not sure," replied the old lady. "I’m usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

Exercise advice

The doctor handed his overweight patient a bottle of pills. "Don’t swallow these pills," he said. "Instead, spill them on the floor three times a day and pick them up one by one."

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