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Who would have imagined that the super-gifts of technology — which have transformed the world's business and financial as well as social scenarios — could put tremendous negative pressure on the man-woman relationship? "Unfortunately, this is so," says Mridul Choksi, a senior counsellor, "A significant number of couples come to me for advice on how to 'remove' the 'screen' from obstructing their relationship." The "screen", be it of the computer, the phone or the television, has acquired an ugly avatar and is literally hiding one partner from the other or family members from each other. Today, children of all ages are addicted to their phones or to computers. Family togetherness threatens to be a pleasure of the past. In these circumstances, what can families do to overcome the problem of loneliness within the family? Each family’s problem is different, attention must be concentrated on their specific complaint. A phone, TV or computer screen offers the luxury of privacy and is often a gateway to forbidden pleasures.
Case study I: Sudha Singh is a housewife. "Two years ago, my husband suffered from cancer and gave up his job," she says, "I gave up my job as a travel assistant in a tourism company. We were desperate for money, so I took up a job that paid well and contributed towards my husband's treatment. It was an advantage that I could work from home on my computer. Luckily, the work has increased and I work for at least eight hours a day. I cook, look after my child and spend whatever time I can with my husband. He is lonely, but I can't help it. He hates my work and says that he will leave if I continue with my work. But I love it because it gives me financial freedom and pride. We have stopped talking except for his medical requirements. That way, we have peace in the house. My marriage is not over because he needs me but his sulking has wiped out my respect for him." Case study II: Madhu Parikh is a mother of two teenage girls — both in college and both with a cellphone in hand all day. "My daughters are texting all day and often at night. When I wake up to drink water in the night, I see that their phones are on and they are busy typing out messages. Neither my husband nor I have any knowledge about the people whom they contact nor what they write. We quarrel all day about the chhoot or freedom I have given to our daughters. It worsened after my elder daughter went away for a week-end with her boyfriend without informing us. We checked every hangout and every friend of hers but could not trace her. Finally, she returned home, saying she had not told us because she did not expect us to give permission for her rendezvous with her boyfriend. My husband has stopped talking to all three of us and I don't know what I can do. I feel I am a failure as a wife and mother. We bought the cellphones for the girls thinking they would have security to contact us when needed. But the misuse of the phone to text and play games all the time has created cracks in our family." Case study III: "My wife and I are TV addicts. We live in a remote suburb of Mumbai and truly cannot travel for even social life or outings after work — we both work in the same suburb where we live and the hours are long and tiring. We need two incomes to pay our EMIs and other expenses,"says Shekhar Singh, a bank officer, "We both are so tired after work that we order a pizza and crash into bed. Work and travel takes all our time. We eat the ordered meal in front of the TV— me watching cricket or news and she watching her serials on her TV. It is difficult to make conversation when we are engrossed in our entertainment. I hate arguments about money, time spent with each other and future plans because these always end up in quarrels. The way we are, we are ok. The TV screen saves us from being aggressive with each other. So while the screen ‘separates’ us, we are happy that way as there are no serious problems between us."Mridul Choksi says that to bridge the chasm that a "screen" creates is hard to mend once it has become chronic. "First, if the couple or family is happy with uncertain peace, there is nothing I can do. Most such families do not even seek advice or professional guidance. To those who are willing to work for solutions, I say keep the "screen" away for some time and change your priorities. People are more important than 'screens' of TV, phones or computer. The real world is far more solid than the virtual world and both must be used for the right purpose, to achieve the right balance and make our lives fruitful"
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Look at the cases and
see how different the causes for "screen" rifts can be!