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With a title like this the first thing you look forward to is ‘Potemkin’, which would make it that Russian classic. But no such luck. If one wades through 30 minutes or more of it, one realises (or earlier if one reads the synopsis) it is a sci-fi offering, that is when the aliens in ships come to earth to build a space station. After they do appear in mechanised and unshapely forms, it is even worse. But the bottomline is that Battleship is extremely loud and utterly boring but cost a zooming $5,200 million. Universal Studios surely
has money to burn but even the special effects are second-rate. Based
on Hasbro’s naval combat games, scriptwriters Jon and Erich Hoeber
do not have much to add to and director Peter Berg seems to be as lost
as the audience to what’s happening. Of course, there are careening
balls of fire rolling on wheels (innovative, may be) but these
lifeless forms combat real flesh and blood Americans with a few
Japanese thrown in for variety since World War II has been a long
while ago.
It gives born loser Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) a chance to redeem himself though he may, at times, remind one of Don Quixote chasing the windmills. That an admiral’s beautiful daughter Samantha (Brooklyn Decker) has fallen head over heels for Alex could have been a misnomer plotwise but thankfully their romance is more by remote control with Alex at sea and this PT expert on shore and aiding a handicapped marine. Also part of the Alex’s team is Caribbean singer Rihana. Taylor Kitsch is, at best, enthusiastic while Brooklyn Decker is smashing but ornamental. It’s sad to see Liam Neeson as a figurehead admiral and Alexander Starsgard, a regular cameo player, as another. Rihana would have been seen to advantage out of that dull naval uniform but no, not even that, would make up for this 130-odd minute torture.
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