Webside HUMOUR
Child expert

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book. None of these attempts worked.

Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, “I wonder what’s inside the drum?”

Long life

A man went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor. After explaining his situation, he asked the pastor if there was anything he could do.

“What you should do is go out and buy an old dodge pickup,” said the pastor. “Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma.” “Will this help me live longer?” “No,” said the pastor, “but it will make what time you do have seem like forever.”

Good neighbours

A family who had just moved into a new neighbourhood was anxious to make a good impression. However, the neighbours seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the family was overjoyed when finally her youngest son, Little Misfit, ran in and announced happily, “Mom, the lady down the street asked my name today.” “Oh, how nice!” exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. “And then, what did she do?” The boy responded, “Then, she gave it to the policeman.”

Bad mouth

One woman told another: “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma