Webside HUMOUR
Cutting corners

As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the lobby, the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We’ll make a real big thing out of it. We’ll have 500 persons. We’ll order 50 limos."

Daughter Grace says, "Why do you want to waste money like that? We’ll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us."

Grandson Jeff says, "We’ll have lots of flowers. We’ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies." Daughter Alice says, "What a waste! We’ll have one little bouquet, that’s enough."

Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, "Why don’t you get me my shoes? I’ll walk to the cemetery."

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don’t have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you’re the boss."

The husband went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, "From now on, you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight, I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?" "Yeah," said his wife calmly. "The undertaker."

There was a pretty nurse Carol, who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend. "Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you to give back the ring and all his presents?"

"Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill for 37 visits."

A wealthy man sat in his attorney’s office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That’s the bad news?" the man asked incredulously. "I can’t wait to hear the terrible news."

"It’s of you and your mistress".

Compiled by Sunil Sharma