The power of listening
I. M. Soni

Socrates advised his pupils to have a dialogue with their soul. Psychiatrists have been cashing in on his advice. They employ the technique of self-communication to bring about a personality change.

In this form of therapy, the person talks while the psychiatrist records his expression — verbal as well as facial, while watching his body language. The aim is to unburden the mind and thus find solution to the problem. While some would go to a professional psychiatrist with their problems, there will be many who take their troubles to their friends and relatives.

Many a time, when a person knows that he has a good listener in front of him, he shares his thoughts with him which makes it easier to solve his problems. As he talks, he may find a solution to his problem. Thus, when a troubled friend comes to you, be a good listener. Be a reservoir in which he can pour out his problems. Keep the following tips in mind when a friend in trouble comes to you:

• Listen whenever you sense someone needs to talk to you, give him your time. If by listening you can help him clear his mind, it will also help communication between you and him.

• If a verbal avalanche is launched, let is flow uninterrupted until it is exhausted. Try to understand what is being said. Put yourself in the talker’s place.

• Verbal reactions matter. As the talker proceeds, use a series of eloquent and encouraging grunts: Humm, Uh-huh, oh, or I see. If the talker pauses, remain silent. Or nod your head, until talker starts again.

• If he becomes unreasonable, you restate what has just been said putting it in the form of a question. Examples of such restatements might be: You really think life is that?

• Probe not. There is a difference between willingness to listen and curious to dig for hidden information. The latter must be avoided. Your purpose is not to obtain unwanted information. You should refrain from passing moral judgment upon what is said. In no case should you give the talker advice.

• Have faith in the ability of the troubled talker to solve his own problems. You are witnessing an amazing human phenomenon. The person is talking things over with himself. If you do not inject yourself into his conversation, the chances are that the talker will work things out for himself.