Webside HUMOUR
Lost in the park

A police car pulls up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and Grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said he was lost in the park ... and couldn't find his way home.

“Oh Morris,” said Grandma, “You’ve been going to that park for more than 30 years! So how could you get lost?”

Leaning close to Grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear. Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost ... I was just too tired to walk home.”

Report card

After the close of term, Jake went home for the holidays. On getting home, his dad said, “Let me see your report card. You better have passed this time around.” “Sorry dad”, replied Jake. “It’s not with me. I lent it out to a friend.” “What does your friend want it for?” asked his dad. “To scare his parents. Senseless!”

Church event

The minister announced that admission to a church social event would be $6 per person.

“However, if you’re more than 65,” he said, “the price will be only $5.50.” From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?”

Where there is a will

The rich, old, dying man called his lawyer to his bedside for the purpose of disposing of his worldly goods. “How many children have you?” the lawyer asked. “That, sir,” said the old-timer, “will be decided by the courts when my will is contested.”

Flowers for wife

“Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?” the wife asked.

“What’s the point?” said husband. “They die after about a week.” “So could you,” she shot back, “but I still like having you around.”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma