Webside HUMOUR
Very bad news

This guy goes into a doctor’s office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"

The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I’ll have the bad news first."

"Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies.

The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That’s horrible! What could be worse than that? What’s the VERY bad news?"

The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday."

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, "What’s wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender through Teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, 25, intelligent, a marvellous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, and my best friend,."

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?"

The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can’t remember where I live."

A man wrote a letter to the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest."

A grade school teacher was grading a science test on the human body. The first question was, "Name one of the major functions of your skin."

One child wrote, "To keep people who look at you from throwing up."

The state trooper pulled Smith over and, after inspecting his licence and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail.

"What’s the charge?" Smith demanded.

"None," replied the officer. "It’s all part of the service."