Spring of love
With more workplace stress, diverse ambitions, family problems, pressure to succeed and temptations to cheat, couples need to look at this quick list by Vimla Patil to make Valentine’s Day a turning point in their love life

Create some together situations to rejuvenate your romance

With the month of February bringing warm signals of springtime, young and old couples begin to look forward to Valentine’s Day on February 14. Though in the recent years, this day, devoted to lovers and companions, has become more of a commercial and marketing opportunity than a celebration of love, still there is a huge significance attached to the day. It is a day to take stock of your romantic relationship — marriage or romantic love — and make it work so that it adds security and peace to an already hassled life.

Even in the hurly-burly of the urban chaos and the small-town confusion in India, couples need to stop for a while as the first Valentine’s Day of the second decade of the millennium approaches. Is it just going to be an occasion to party hard and shop for gifts or will it be a time to quietly think and take firm steps to make your romantic relationship a rewarding one. Here are 10 tips that may start you thinking …

nArguments, which lead nowhere, are the death of romance. So when you disagree with your partner, do think whether the shouting and slanging match is worth it or not. At the end of it, if you both are exhausted and wondering whether winning some points was worth it, then you have put one more nail into your relationship. With so much pressure on young people, arguments at home or on dates are bound to happen but should be a strict no-no. They exhaust minds and hearts and leave you with a sense of ‘not wanting to do anything’ with your partner. So, while you wish to put your point of view before your beloved, judge whether it is important to make him or her think like you. If the subject is not central to your relationship, leave it and stop the argument before it becomes a sore in the heart.

nMy rights-your rights — with women becoming more vocal and assertive than before, who has the right to money, time, career success and freedom can become an edgy issue. Like in professional work, it is a good idea to have negotiations between partners and to make allowances for both to achieve peace and co-operation. Specially, if a woman earns more or is more famous or successful, she needs to tread softly to keep this factor of her life low key in a relationship. Remember, no successful women, even those listed in the Forbes List of Powerful Women, have ever frankly talked about their marriages or relationships, except for Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, who says that she married a foreigner because an Indian husband cannot accept the power and success of a woman. Romance is known to elude successful women. So if you are more popular, possess more impressive life skills and more money, expect and accept that there will be hidden angst in your relationship. Decide clearly whether you want to continue or step back when the going is good.

nThe absentee husband/wife or lover — he is always away on work or has some other ‘more important’ engagement. Talk this over in peace and speak out about your need for companionship and togetherness. Include sex and physical support if need be. Leaving your needs unsaid builds a huge pressure in a romantic relationship.

nDo an audit of your actions and remarks from time to time. If you have been curt, rude, secretive or insensitive, Valentine’s Day is an ideal occasion to come clean and ask for forgiveness from your partner. This action never belittles you. In fact, your relationship becomes stronger with understanding.

Be sure to show concern, caring and love to your partner. Thinkstockphotos/ Getty Images

nNothing in life is totally fair. So don’t fight for fairness and justice in all situations. If you lose some debate or oppurtunity, be sporting and accept that others can have the limelight too.

nPast angers, complaints, affairs or relationships, cruel remarks — all these must be tied in a bundle and dropped into the waste bin. If you keep on carrying the sore feelings, you will probably be proactive and retort at some future date to spoil your romance even more. Forget, forgive and focus on your goal of security and happiness, firmly.

nHappiness is natural to children. But adults have to look for it. So create some together situations that give you a quietude and time to rejuvenate your romance. Go away for some time, or plan goodies for each other so that your caring gestures and wish to please your partner is apparent in your behavior. Be sure to show concern, caring and love to your partner, physically as well as emotionally.

nNever give an either/or threat when you discuss important milestones of your lives. Be patient, show understanding and aim at both being winners rather than you alone raising the flag of victory. Communicate clearly to express your dreams and share them with your partner.

nDon’t underestimate each other’s families — specially the parents. Indian men and women have a soft spot for their elders and constant badgering to humiliate them will break the branch of trust some day. Cruelty in arguments and hurting remarks, too, are a strict no-no.

nRemember every day that you wanted and perhaps initiated this relationship. So don’t allow offences to pile up until you or your partner comes to the end of his/her patience. Nature’s law shows that a tiny branch of a tree weathers many birds sitting on it. But one day, for no visible reason, it breaks even with one bird sitting on it. So don’t hurtle recklessly towards this disaster from where there is just no return possible. Most men and women cannot take constant hurts and insults or put-downs. Take a deep breath and control your anger if you want a good, steady and fulfilling relationship. Perhaps no other day is more right to start that Valentine’s Day! Happy beginning.