This Above all
Land of humbugs
KHUSHWANT SINGH 

Every Republic Day morning and every Beating of Retreat evening, I ask myself: “Are these displays which must cost our exchequer many crores worth our while?” They are the same year after year. The personnel changes, the pattern of display remains the same. Nevertheless, I remain glued to the TV on the morning of January 26 and the evening of Beating of Retreat. So do most people I know.

There is a notable contradiction in our character. We like India to be known as the land of Gandhi. We also want to show the world all the weaponry we have and what we can do to those who cast an evil eye on us. After flexing our muscles, we invoke the blessings of Bapu as an after-thought and end the tamasha by playing his favourite hymn, Lead Kindly Light. India is not the land of Gandhi; it is the land of humbugs, and most of us, including myself are humbugs.

Republic Day displays cost the exchequer crores of rupees. Are they worth our while?

Preserving foodgrains

In the year gone by, while some states had bumper harvests of foodgrains, there were acute shortages in many others, and people went hungry. The reason for this is that our methods of storing crops are outdated. We continue to use metal containers, gunny bags and warehouses. They rot and become food for insects, rats and worms. We do not use modern storage system, called the vacuum poly system (VPS) of one tonne silos, by which grains can be stored in the open without any cover or shelter, and for five to 10 years without any loss. Many countries, including the US, Canada, Brazil, China and almost all European countries resort to this method of preserving foodgrains. I learnt about this through a detailed proposal by one Ashok Chawla, who sent me a copy of a letter he addressed to the Prime Minister and Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar.

Fair prices

I have been all over the town;

Met the King and the clown;

Don’t be despondent, do not frown;

The prices of essentials will come down;

Be it vegetable, fruit or tea;

Or the price of transport, tuition fee;

Or humble jaggery, pulses or ghee;

The prices are headed fast to a level;

Where they are fated to be;

A level that Pawar wills and for which;

The traders love to hoard;

But you and I cannot afford;

But what of that?

Eating will only make you fat;

So do not take a view, low and dim;

Fast, instead, three days a week;

And remain handsome and slim.

(Courtesy: Kuldip Salil, Delhi)

Self-esteem

I was once travelling from Rohtak to Gurgaon in the Roadways bus. The conductor was quite agitated and grumbling after having a tiff with a passenger over counting of the change. His loud declaration was: “I don’t bother about anybody, even if he is the owner of many factories. I don’t bother about anybody, even if he is the owner of a fleet of cars. I don’t even bother about the Chief Minister of the state.”

I could not but ask him: “Dear friend, you seem to have the gift of the gab. Can you tell me the source of your strength that you don’t even bother about the Chief Minister?” He replied very nonchalantly: “The Chief Minister is no match for me. He distributes 90 tickets once in five years, whereas I distribute 500 tickets daily of my own accord. Now you can measure the difference.” I was floored and kept quiet throughout the journey.

                                                                                                       (Contributed by Ram Niwas Malik, Gurgaon)

Please don’t laugh

In the US, they invented a machine that catches thieves. They took it to different countries for a test. In the US itself, in 30 minutes the machine caught 20 thieves; in the UK, in 30 minutes it caught more than 50 thieves; in Spain, in 30 minutes, it caught 65 thieves; in Ghana, in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves. But in India, they caught nobody…in 15 minutes the machine was stolen. I told you not to laugh.

                                                                                                                (Contributed by Vipin Buckshey, Delhi)

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