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THE Smith family was very proud that their ancestors had come over on the Mayflower, so they hired a best-selling author to look up and write a book about their family history. Horror of horrors! They discovered that great uncle Fred had died in the electric chair for committing a murder. They were devastated because they didn’t want that in the book, but they didn’t want to leave him out either. The author said, "Leave it to me. "When the book came out, the section about Uncle Fred read like this: "He was a man who occupied a great seat. He was attached to his position very firmly. His death came as a great shock." Perfect shot A little boy knocks at the door and tells the owner that something of his had found its way into her garage, and he wanted it back. The homeowner opened the garage and noticed two additions; a baseball and broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" she asked the child. Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at the homeowner, the little boy exclaimed, "Wow lady! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" Repeat order A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the headwaiter and read from the menu, "I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one overcooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That’s a complicated order sir", said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday." Unused gift This couple had been married for a long time and had not been getting along for years. So the wife thinks, "I’ll teach the old man a lesson. I’ll buy him a cemetery plot for his birthday this year!" Well, you can just imagine his disappointment when he opened his present. The next year rolls around and this time his wife gets him nothing. The husband says, "Why didn’t you get me a birthday present?" And the wife replies, "Well, why should I? You didn’t use what I got you last year!" — Compiled by Sunil Sharma |
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