WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Conscious effort

A man who was involved in a serious accident was unable to speak when he regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bed stand, wrote, "Date?" on it and gave it to his nurse.

She handed it back to him — after she had replied with the word "Married."

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.`A0 She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

In the traffic court, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge’s eyes. "You’re a schoolteacher, eh?" he said, "I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not drive through red lights’ 500 times!"

A Corporal needed to use a pay phone, but didn’t have change for a dollar.

He saw a jawan mopping the base’s corridor floors, and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

The jawan replied, "Sure, buddy".

The Corporal turned red. He said, "That’s no way to address a superior officer! Now let’s try it again.`A0Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

The jawan replied promptly, "No, SIR!"

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.`A0He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.

"I’ll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."

"Poof!" said the genie. "You’re a housewife."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma