WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Enough is enough

AN old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?"

"I’m 84," answered the old lady.

"And how old is your husband?"

"My husband is 87."

"My, my," said the lawyer, "and how long have you been married?"

"Next September will be 62 years."

"Married 62 years? Why would you want a divorce now?"

"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."

Human nature

A burglar decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door, he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."

He did so. Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises was floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.

As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. An irritated passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What’s going on?" he yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The man sees the same conductor walk again. He leans out of the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for a visiting Minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly, the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then raising his eyes heavenwards, he exclaimed, "I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma