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The gradual collapse of the Indian family system is a worrying factor. Divorces are on the rise. We must strengthen our marriage structure to create a vibrant society, writes
Vimla Patil OUR family is the centre of everything we do," asserts Bollywood filmmaker Karan Johar, who is known for his superhit family-saga films, including the recent We Are Family. "Our emotions, responsibilities and a certain resonance of life — all come from our innate need to belong to a family, which is a dominating motif of Indian life." Furthermore, it has been confirmed by innumerable influential people of all strata of our society that women form the strongest link in a family, and hold it together with their patience, love and compassion.
Here is an example. Recently-married celebrity musician Ayaan Ali Khan says about his bride Neema Sharma: "I was commitment-phobic before meeting my wife. But Neema has proved to be a loving wife, a responsible daughter to my parents and an amiable sister to Amaan bhaiya." Though this is possibly a correct assessment of our family structure, recent social trends have not really reflected this deep-rooted facet of Indian life. With women’s empowerment spawning an independent spirit and a lust for personal space among millions of young educated and earning women, the pattern of family life — and marriage — has changed over the past decades, and suddenly, we have landed in a scenario which unfolds the devastation of family relationships and marriage. Relationships have become the biggest victim of the current age. There is such a desperate need for personal rights and space and career ambition among all young people that they are scared to put someone else above themselves, even in an intimate relationship like marriage. The slow and insidious collapse of the Indian family has now suddenly come to light, and panic buttons are being pressed everywhere by social experts. The number of divorces and family break-ups are alarming, they say, and are causing incredible sorrow and desperation among the young. We, as a society, must sit up and reinvent our family and marriage structure to create a new, vibrant, positive society. How can young women contribute to this New Indian Society and benefit personally by building lasting marriages and fulfilling family lives? A useful list of the most important "Not to dos" can help. So here we go. Don’t jump into a relationship or marriage without seriously checking out whether it is something you want for a lifetime. The heavy media presence of the "wedding" industry makes marriage and bridal finery very attractive to a young woman. Don’t go for the outward razzle-dazzle of clothes, wedding games, parties and the importance all this gives you for a while. Romance is wonderful, but only when it is the foundation of a strong bond with your loved one. Don’t be tempted by the avalanche-surge of lust. Choose the inspiration of love rather than sexual experiments. A relationship based on sheer lust has less chances of lasting because of the very nature of lust — when it is satiated it melts like snow in sunshine. On the other hand, a commitment of love and respect gives you a chance to steadily build a bond of trust and interdependence. As the winds of change sweep Indian society, it is easy to believe that pre-marital sex, multiple partners, and open marriages and many other versions of the male-female relationship are not only acceptable but also attractive. Don’t throw away your family as an unwanted burden. Understand clearly that unlike in the West, Indian women need the support of their families — both parental and matrimonial — to lead fulfilled lives. They don’t have social security, healthcare and free support systems provided by the government for single mothers, divorced women or women without financial resources. In times of sickness or stress — or even to achieve success in one’s career — they need the care and cooperation of their families. As a family counsellor says, Indians will be losers if they throw away their cultural heritage of family togetherness and generosity. People today believe that relationships that enhance their business and careers are more important than their family ties or friendships. This is dangerous and destructive for society. We are not yet a welfare society. Here rich or poor, a family has to take the responsibility of looking after its members. We should do this with pride and happiness rather than with resentment. Don’t become strangers to your family. Make sure you do public relations first within your family and then in the world at large. If your new family is not homogenous and is a mix of religions or regional cultures, don’t make this a bone of contention in your family life. Approach the difference with an open heart. It helps to realise that the basic values in Indian families remain the same. This applies to extended families where cousins, aunts and uncles may be in different cities or even countries. Try not to lose touch with both families in spite of the breakneck speed of life. Don’t play games with
your spouse or your new family. Lies, deceit, jealousy and envy are
the enemies of peace and happiness. A strong character is a priceless
possession. Don’t forget that marriage with a specific partner was
your considered choice, and it is, therefore, your duty to make it a
success. In the long run, you will be a sure winner if you have
patience, love and consideration for your husband and family.
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