WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Thanks indeed

THE boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.

Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted the younger man on the shoulder.

"Yes, Mario," he said kindly, "I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you, and some day you’ll thank me for it."

What a waste!

A tightwad was convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy.

"What’s wrong?" the friend asked. "You just became a millionaire!"

"I know," he groaned, "But I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!"

Passing an office building late one night, a drunk saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the drunk, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself."

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.

He sends a signal: "Change your course, 10 degree east".

The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees west".

Angry, the captain sends: I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!

"I’m a seaman, second class", comes the reply. "Change your course, sir".

Now the captain is furious. "I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!"

There is one last reply. "I’m a lighthouse. Your call."

The poet had been droning on at the party about his various sources of inspiration.

"Yes, he told the young girl. "I’m, at present, collecting some of my better poems to be published posthumously".

"Lovely", said the girl. "I’ll look forward to it".

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma