WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Formula one

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist were standing around the university flagpole when an English professor wandered by. "What are you doing?" he asked. "We need to know the height of the flagpole," said one, "and we’re discussing the formulas, we might use to calculate it."

"Watch!" said the English professor. He pulled the pole from its fitting, laid it on the grass, borrowed a tape measure and said, "Exactly 24 feet." Then he replaced the pole and walked away.

"English professor!" sneers the mathematician, "We ask him for the height, and he gives us the length."

The young man at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order. When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses — one for each year of her life. The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife". The young man bought a dozen roses.

A man goes to his lawyer and says, "I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it."

The lawyer says, "Don’t worry, leave it all to me."

The man looks somewhat upset. "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice — but I’d like to leave a little to my children, too."

A 12-year-old daughter asked her mother, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." She gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later the mother was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when she noticed her face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was "The oldest thing in my house."

"I’m going to buy a farm two miles long and half inch wide," said Jed.

"What, would you grow on a farm that size", asked Roger.

"Spaghetti", said Jed.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma