Take criticism sportingly

Use criticism to conquer your shortcomings, and rule the world,
says Deepa Gopala Krishnan

American actress Megan Fox says she can’t handle criticism, and lives like a recluse to avoid reading negative comments. A Zen believer says that we should be like a flowing river. Negativities are the stones that try to stop the river’s flow. Just as the river finds its path in spite of the stones, we must find our path without getting stagnant.

So, how do you deal with criticism? Do you take criticism positively with a calm mind, or like Megan Fox, avoid people who criticise you?

Living in society, we meet at least one new person every day, and the more we interact, the more susceptible we become to criticism. Even our dear ones like parents and friends often criticise us. But somehow, usually, we feel the pinch when a not-so-close a person criticises us.

City-based psychologist Dr Chandra says: "Everybody has an opinion about others, including you. Obviously, it is not necessary that the opinion might always be something that you like. So, the next time somebody criticises you, take it sportingly."

Hurt feelings and resentment do not foster a positive environment. At its worst, criticism can have long-lasting negative effects on relationships, personal and professional.

Shailza Singh, a PEC student, says: "Usually, I take criticism in a positive manner, but if I feel that the person criticising me is himself a pervert or prejudiced, I give him a nice hearing."

However, Dr Chandra says: "That is a wrong way to begin with, as you might not always be on the right side. Perhaps the critic might have a point to make, hurting though it might be."

So, the next time anyone criticises you, do not let your emotions shadow your thoughts.

There are some time-tested techniques to do so, like taking deep breaths, drinking water, counting till 10, etc.

The basic idea is that you need to buy some time before responding. It is very natural to feel angry or sad initially. Hence, let those negative feelings subside.

Then decide whether or not the criticism was intentional. There are three effective ways to cope with criticism:

Distraction, admitting the truth and requesting specific feedback.

Shailza says: "There are times when I feel that there is no truth behind the criticism. Yet I am unable to answer back, perhaps because the person might be some senior. In such situations, I simply let the critic have his own say, without interrupting him. This distracts the person concerned as the expected defensive response is absent."

So while the criticism happens, you remain composed and unaffected. If it gets overboard, you can simply say: "You could be right`85" or "What you say makes sense`85" or "Perhaps I could`85" Never be caught up with "Yes, but`85" as our "friend" does not want to hear any excuse. The "but" factor will lead to an argument.

This works when the truth has been pointed out. Accept the fault and decide never to repeat it. That is it. The focus is on future behaviour. Avoid negative self-talk or over-apologising for the error. Remember. To err is human. Here also, beware of the "but" factor. Instead of saying: "Yes, I was wrong but`85" say : "Yes, I was wrong, and I will take care in future."

This is the best approach to valid criticism. By seeking a feedback from the critic, we focus on action. The spotlight is on the solution, not the problem. Both the person who criticises and the criticised can work towards a solution. You may say: "If you were in my shoes, what would you do?" Or "Are there other ways I could improve my work?" Care must be taken on the tone of the voice. It should be neutral, devoid of any negative sentiments.

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