WEBSIDE HUMOUR

Sleeping pill

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and, in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked.”

“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

Tennis bracelet

A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewellery store window. Not having the money to purchase the item, but desperately longing for it, she enters and speaks to the clerk. “If I were to give you a small deposit for this item, could you possibly hold it for me?”

“Certainly,” replies the clerk. “For how long shall we hold the item?

“Until my husband does something unforgivable.”

White-collar crime

The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cell mate looked like a real thug. “Don’t worry,” the gruff looking fellow said, “I’m in here for a white collar crime too.” “Well, that’s a relief,” sighed the stockbroker. “I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading. How about you?”

“Oh, nothing fancy like,” grinned the convict. “I just killed a couple of priests.”

Healthy apple

While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man noticed several pretty nurses, each one of them was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asked one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she said with a chuckle. “We just use it to keep the doctors away.”

Food for thought

A wife was sitting on the living-room couch watching her favourite show on the Food Network when her husband walked in.

“Why do you watch those food shows?” he asked. “You don’t even cook.” Glaring back at him, she asked, “Then why do you watch football?”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma