Webside HUMOUR

Poor history

“Would you mind telling me, doctor,” Bob asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears to be completely normal?”

He replied, “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.” “What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’”

Bob thought for a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”

Lost card

A man receives a call from his Credit Card company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”

“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.”

“Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative.

The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife.”

The mousetrap

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick — I’ve a bus to catch.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell them that big.”

Speedy aid

Trying to come to the aid of his dad, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the mischievous child piped up, “Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you.”

Nut case

Sign in a Police Station: It takes about 3,500 bolts to put a car together; but only one nut to scatter it all over the road.

Attention please

The teacher says, “I wish you’d pay a little attention Mary.”

“I am paying as little as I can Mrs. Bell,” said Mary.

Eye trouble

A man goes to the Social Security Office and said: “I’d like to apply for Disability, please.”

“What is your disability?”

“I’m having trouble with my eyes.”

“What kind of eye trouble?”

“I can’t see myself going to work.”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma