Knotty problems

Marriage and commitment mean loss of fame, money and, most important, hard-earned success, making this institution unattractive to many iconic women, says Vimla Patil

Kareena is in an open relationship with Saif Ali Khan but she is clear that there is no marriage in the offing yet

Sania Mirza, India’s ace tennis player, recently crashed out of the Pattaya Open, despite getting a promising one-set lead in the $ 2,20,000 match with rival German Tatjana Malek. This came soon after the announcement that she had broken her engagement with childhood friend Sohrab Mirza. No wonder, her fans believe the two events are connected in some way.

“This could well be true,” says Rubina Shah, a great tennis lover and Sania’s diehard fan, “No young woman can handle a demanding career like professional tennis and an unconditional commitment like marriage. This whole episode must have been painful for Sania and could have affected her game strategy. Sania is only 23; she should have waited for some years before she thought of tying the knot. Marriage and its responsibilities come in the way of physical fitness and total concentration, which are a must for any professional game. Yet, it is true that most of our cricketer heroes are married and fathers of children. How do they manage their nation-hopping careers and constant stress about good form?”

“Because circumstances are different for men and women,” says Pronoti Jethwa, a leading counsellor, “Men seem to win the stakes of career success in sports, entertainment (TV and films) and other hi-visibility professions like modelling because they are not ‘homemakers’ or ‘child-rearers’ by social definition. They may help in the tasks of creating a home and even be excellent fathers but they don’t ‘own’ the final responsibility of either. Also, a woman physically bears a child, which means her body, mind and emotions are directly involved in the process. Dividing time and energy between a physically demanding career and motherhood can be very stressful. Look at the high stakes for such women. Sports icons like Sania have to practice for hours to be in the top league. If she has to be ‘accessible’ to her husband and children 24 hours, this is impossible. Losing form is a catastrophe for such women. Filmstars like Kareena Kapoor, Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra, on whose shoulders crores of rupees ride, are equally vulnerable to the loss of form and fitness. They have no time for ‘high-maintenance relationships’. So, marriage is a fearsome spectre for them too.”

Iconic women, who are constantly in the public eye and on the front pages of media every day, seem to accept this dual reality because they can do little to change it. Most people agree that a woman in ‘visible’ professions has to be careful when she makes a commitment to a steady relationship. There can be heartbreaks resulting from infidelity, broken engagements and even abuse caused by the huge male ego. Though gossip about her boyfriends may provide daily fodder to the tabloids, she has to be careful not to accept any relationship that controls her.

Though women in other professions manage to balance very successful careers with marriage and family, women in the glam-sports world do not seem to withstand the pressure. Fame and glamour are extremely fragile and transient for the latter. They are constantly compared; pitched against the best in the world, every day of their lives. The money involved in their success is huge and there is no ‘gradual’ fall. Their success can vanish overnight if they lose in the popularity stakes.

“For iconic women, the brand value is high only when they are single,” says Ashwin Sharma, a top adman in Mumbai, “Indian culture does not see a woman as an object of sex-fantasy when she is married and/or a mother. So, her popularity slides in comparison with her single colleagues. We, as a people, also believe that it is ‘immoral’ for a married woman to allow physical intimacy with another man, even if it is make-believe. Youth, fitness and newsworthiness, plus a little glamour are a must for a sportsperson. A filmstar needs beauty and sensuality in addition. This is why super-successful women in the sports and entertainment industries are extremely cautious when making commitments. Gossip? Yes! But commitment? No! That’s the rule for them.”

What media observers say is proven by several cases of famous women in India. Sania Mirza, it is reported, was asked to declare that she would give up professional tennis after marriage to her fiancé Sohrab Mirza. It is also reported that when her father learned this, he was in favour of dropping the engagement rather than her career. Within a few days, both families made statements to the press that they would remain friends but there would be no marriage and Sania was free to pursue her career. She will now work hard to regain her place in the tennis firmament.

TV stars like Rakhi Sawant know that wedding bells would ring the death knell for their careers

Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra are also sailing in the same boat. While Kareena is in an open relationship with Saif Ali Khan, she is clear that there is no marriage in the offing. Priyanka has been linked to many heroes, but there is no marriage. Still in their twenties, these actresses can afford to wait and continue to taste the elixir of success. “The career span of a professional sportswoman or an actress is short,” says Hasan Raja Ali, a film director, “Both sports and films are male-oriented industries. A Shah Rukh Khan can play a romantic hero at 45; but a Kareena Kapoor would only get motherly roles at that age. Recently, Aamir Khan played a college student in 3 Idiots though he is in his mid-forties and a father to teenaged children. No one would accept Madhuri Dixit — who’s probably younger than him — in such a role after her motherhood. Her comeback film Aaja Nachle bombed completely at the box office. That’s the reality. Kajol is the only exception to this rule but then, she does not do teen roles and is somehow loved by her fans in intense romantic roles — especially with SRK.

Hollywood is different. A Julia Roberts or an Angelina Jolie can take a five-year break and still be successful. But here, it is difficult to keep the intensity of a career for that long. Further, motherhood can change her body too. In India, whatever the empowerment pundits say, marriage is seen as ‘ownership statement’ of the husband over the wife and it is accepted — albeit gingerly — that he will control her life, including her career. No wonder, top women like Sania Mirza and Kareena Kapoor hesitate to take the plunge. Even small-time reality show-item stars like Rakhi Sawant know that wedding bells would ring the death knell for their careers. “Marriage and stability are an attractive mirage but not while we enjoy the glamour and money,” say the beauties of the sports-world and the film industry.

“Nothing can equal the high of international success and big money. Early marriage means a full stop to our lives. From Aishwarya Rai to the latest wannabe film star, everyone knows this reality and designs her career according to the rules of the glamour professions. It’s the same with female sports stars.”