WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Night job

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day." "Can’t", replied the farmer, "At night, I haul water for the hole."

Rest of life

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our parachute doesn’t open; and the reserve doesn’t open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

A man called his mother in Florida. He said to his mother, "How are you doing?" She said, "Not too good. I’ve been very weak." The son then asked, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days." The son then asked, "How come you haven’t eaten in 38 days?" She said, "Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess. I have been shopping. All the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal."

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married."

A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer.

"That’s a good price, but it really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don’t you have anything larger?"

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again.

"This one," he said faintly, "will be $6.65."

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision.

"OK," she said, "I’ll take both of them."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma