WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Christmas shopping

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?" "Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.

"That’s not a crime," replied Judge Judy.

"How early were you doing your Christmas shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the defendant.

Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.

"And this one, what a steal," he said, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it’s going to be worth three times." "Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I don’t even buy green bananas."

A blonde applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket. An hour later the blonde returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other. "Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool."

A wife found that her husband is completely helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore. One day, in exasperation, she said her friend, Betty had taught her husband Frank, to cook, sew and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself. What would you do if anything happened to me?

After considering that possibility for a moment, the husband said happily, "I’d move in with Frank."

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died and I have to leave." "Thank heaven!" his date replied. "If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma