The great Punjabi
For Punjabis it is but natural to dominate and evince interest in whatever is happening around. They praise themselves and boast about their kids. The desire to go abroad is equalled by their love of marrying a mem, writes Aruti Nayar on the defining traits of the community

Music and rhythm are a part of a Punjabi’s life

Helloji, shouted my neighbour from across the balcony. A true-blue Punjabi, she found nothing wrong in liberally lacing her sentences with a wonderful mix of Pinglish (Punjabi and English for the uninitiated). Just as she found nothing amiss or ill-mannered in asking, not only me but all those who came to my house and happened to bump into her in the common corridor, about where they were going or coming from.

This was still OK but those not used to such ways hit the roof when they were asked how much they earned etc. For a pucca Punjabi, it is but natural to evince interest in whatever is happening around. No one can ever accuse them of bystander apathy or callousness. Behind the hail-fellow-well-met brand of Punjabi geniality lies the "we-are-the world" attitude.

With gusto and zest, they can advice just about anybody and everybody. How often have you heard: "Arre, tuhanu ehna vi nahin pata`85 chalo kuch nahin hunda... ek gall hai`85" This ek gall can jolly well extend to an hour of advice giving. Try cutting short an enthused, on-the-roll Punjabi, and he will turn irritable and even rude.

Closely linked with the keen interest in the world and its people is the gusto that they bring to their hospitality. Aaoji`85khao ji, can carry on until the visitor is plied with goodies and chided for having a poor appetite. A person on a diet should shun Punjabis and their khatirdari. They do not give others a quarter and brook no dissent. It does not matter if you are not hungry; it also does not matter if you do not like the particular rich food. They will not listen to your pleas. Most Punjabis can merrily steamroll their way into people’s lives and stomachs`85 never mind if both get upset.

Nothing can quite beat the Punjabi at blowing his own trumpet — a quirk or rather a distinctive trait that defines their approach and existence. They will tell you, depending on the circumstances, how rich, good-looking, brave etc they are. Never mind the embellishments, the slight exaggerations, the flamboyant manner of narration and letting their imagination run away with the story. They are always the heroes of their own qissas and kahanis and the rest of the world is either a passive audience or perpetually applauding them.

Their passion for themselves and their own accomplishments is only matched by their love for their Bunty, Bubbly, Sunny, Chunnu, Munnu, Babli, Bunny or Baby. Their kids are the best, and woe betide those who think otherwise. So you can write a thesis on how Sunny beat all the others in the race and Babli always stands first. Often heard from doting moms and dads is: "Always first ji`85 bahut hi bright hai." Self praise for themselves and their children is certainly a commendation for Punjabis of every shade and hue.

A Punjabi quirk that runs through every caste and class is the desire to go abroad. "Vilayat jaan di tamanna te har Punjabi di rooh wich wasi hoyi hai," an old aunt would say this bitterly and add, "Put Doabe de, na pyo de na babe de." She meant that the sons of Doaba (the region of Punjab that has the maximum NRIs) neither belong to their father nor grandfather. This lure of the phoren land is something that defines every Punjabi. They will do anything — beg, borrow, steal (passports) and get lost all for the love of pounds and dollars. No wonder even so-called educated ones are willing suckers for avaricious agents and unscrupulous middlemen. They do not mind getting lost, sailing in risky boats and indulging in kabootarbaazi all for the lure of foreign shores. More than a quirk, this is a flaw that makes them pay for it with their life.`A0`A0

The desire to go abroad any which way is equalled by the love of marrying a mem`85 that, too, at any cost or rather at much cost. Otherwise they will revel in their Punjabiyat and parade it for all to savour, but when it comes to marrying a mem, it is the ultimate fantasy of every Punjabi man.`A0

Even the vocabulary and colloquial language of the average Punjabi reveals his desire to dominate, and so overwhelming is the celebratory impulse that any conversation is punctuated with expressions such as Chaa gaye ji`85 balle balle ho gayi ji`85 badshaho apna hi raaj hai`85ohda band waja dita`85etc.

The kushti vocabulary extends to Ohdi bas kara diti`85 ohnu dhaa dita`85ohda pataka bol gaya, wherein the Punjabi always has the last word or blow as in bolti band kara diti. No wonder they are called a martial race.`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0`A0

Rhythm lives in every pore of a Punjabi and that, too, not the slow, melodious kinds but the robust and exuberant beats that can make you get up and swing energetically. To their dance, too, the Punjabis bring their vigour and love for life — a joyous celebration, a thumping revelery at the sheer joy of being alive. No Punjabi wedding is complete without gaana bajaana and hasna hasana. The numerous song and dance reality TV shows have started doing what Punjabis have done (and excelled in) for ages. Celebrate every occasion with loud music and dance until you drop down with exhaustion.

What about the traits that can exclude some from the community? Punjabi hospitality is legendary as is their exuberance. There is no place for the quiet, low-profile and self-effacing Punjabis who remain outsiders. And the true-blue Punjabis will not tolerate any deviation from the collective norm. There is less acceptance of individual variations. And woe betide someone who is different. A Punjabi friend is often (in the course of his travels across the country) asked: "Are you really a Punjabi? You don’t look it."

Translate this into "you do not behave like one." The poor soul is low key and self-effacing — almost a social crime for a Punjabi who has to proclaim his identity and sport it like a badge of honour. "I can’t sing to save my life, hate dancing and do not believe in trumpeting my achievements to the world," says another Punjabi, who is often accused of being a black sheep and often told: "Tohade wich Punjabian wali koyi gal hi nahin; pata nahin kyon mare mare rehnde ho."

Add to this the fact that he is a vegetarian and does not drink. Jo khaye piye na, oh taan Punjabi ho hi nahin sakda. Incidentally, it is this mare-mare rehna is what his colleagues call a fund of reserve and patience and he is their confidant in times of crisis.

Another distinctive Punjabi trait is the art of name dropping that has been mastered to perfection by most of them. Animatedly, they will boast of their proximity and relationship with a minister, star, celebrity — in short with anybody who is a somebody. They will own up all those who are rich and powerful and exaggerate their bond with the "worthy ones." Name dropping is a power game that Punjabis like to play with the listeners. They like to monopolise, rather hog, the conversation and proclaim how they are better in every which way than the ones who are listening to them. This is again the kushti mentality at a psychological level. A Punjabi always does kushti, verbally or physically.

Whatever the quirks and eccentricities based on stereotypes about a community, no one can blame Punjabis for being aloof and cold. They are helpful and ever-willing to go the extra mile to befriend people, and being the least clannish, they are always willing to reach out. It is another matter that they will, of course, given half a chance, want to run your life for you. As friends for life, nothing quite equals a Funjabi.