WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Perfect fit

A woman asked the salesman in the men’s section of a department store to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.

When the salesman asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

"I don’t know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."

"Is there anything wrong?" asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink.

"Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars" said the man. "That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender. "It should happen to me."

"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars."

"So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?" Asked the bartender. "This month — so far — not a cent."

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother: "Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"

"That’s your father."

"Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Teacher: "John, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his"?

John: "No, teacher, it’s the same dog".

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma