WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Marrying again

A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again." The friend said, "How flattering." The woman replied, "Not really. I think he’s after the money I married him for."

Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby. When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, "I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names." "To tell you the truth," his friend said, "I forgot her name about three years ago."

A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide, "Oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big."

He then sees a cow and bursts, "Puff, in Texas, our cows are much, much bigger." And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What’s that?" the guide answers "oh, that’s just a grasshopper."

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Didn’t I tell you the last time you were in my court room that I never wanted to see you in here again?"

"Yes, your honour," the defendant replied. "That’s exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway."

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After three days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out. "Well." the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.’"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma