Bengalis prefer girls

While female foeticide is rampant in parts of the North, childless couples of West Bengal prefer to adopt girls. The kind of attachment that Bengalis have for girl children is seldom seen elsewhere. Many couples who already have daughters are also keen to adopt girls, says Soma Mitra

IT had been a long and stressful journey for Saikat and Julie. They had exhausted their savings on fertility treatments only to arrive at the conclusion that they could never have children of their own. The one-line medical certificate had ruined their dreams. That was some years ago.

Dejected, the couple followed the example of their friends—who had adopted their second child—and decided to do the same. Today, Julie (35) and Saikat Dasgupta (40) are the proud parents of six-year-old Aishwarya. That dark moment when they were told they could never become parents is now a
distant memory.

Julie and Saikat are among the several couples who have opted for adoption in the recent years. In fact, adoption has become a real trend in West Bengal, and more so the adoption of girl children. According to the annual report—2007-2008—of the West Bengal Coordination Agency on Adoption, 549 children were adopted during this period from nine accredited agencies in Bengal. Interestingly, of the 549 children adopted, 349 were girls.

"The attitude of Bengali parents is truly encouraging. It is not only the number of people adopting, but the kind of passion and involvement that the entire family shows towards bringing up a girl child is, indeed, fascinating. When couples come to us, the kind of attachment they feel for a girl child is something not seen in other parts of the country. They want to give the best possible education to their daughters. With female foeticide still rampant in parts of northern India, we are proud that West Bengal leads the country in the rising number of adoptions for the female child," says Swaran Chaudhry, executive director, Society for Indian Children’s Welfare (SICW). From among 50 children adopted from the SICW, 42 were girls.

"We adopted a girl because it was our heartfelt wish to be able to bring up one. I really do not know the reason why we were keen to adopt a girl. May be we felt we would bond better with a daughter," reasons Julie. Adds Saikat: "Gone are the days when people used to think boys could do more than girls. Now it is the other way round. The sex of a child is no longer an issue, at least in the urban scenario. Then why a girl, one may ask. Because a girl is more dependable than a boy."

During 2007/2008, the Indian Society for Rehabilitation of Children (ISRC), another accredited adoption agency, placed 101 children. Of these 70 were girls. Madhumita Chowdhury, who has been working as an adoption counsellor for the last two decades, explains: "I feel this has a historical background. After Partition when families came to Bengal from Bangladesh, they had to start from scratch. Women sacrificed everything but they never compromised with the education of the children. If you talk to refugee families in Bengal, you would realise that daughters were not deprived of education."

For a childless couple, adoption would, indeed, be the right thing to do—an abandoned or orphaned child gets a home and family, while a couple gets a baby to care for and love as their own. But there are many challenges, and more so when the adopted child is a girl. The stigma attached to adopted children remains, and most Indian couples are discouraged by their families to go in for adoption.

But Boni and Jay Mukherjee faced no such opposition. In fact, their family was delighted when this high-powered couple finally decided to adopt a baby girl. The duo didn’t want to waste time on long fertility treatments; so they zeroed in on adoption, and everyone in their home welcomed baby Amu with open arms.

The extended family plays a very important role in making it easy for the new parents and child to adjust to each other.

Unconditional love and support go a long way, feel Boni and Jay. Amu is now three-and-a-half-years-old. "I could manage only 25 days off from my work. However, it did not upset anything at my home. From the very beginning the whole family pitched in wholeheartedly. In fact, when I was going back to work, I arranged to have an attendant take care of the baby in my absence but everyone opposed the move," recalls Boni.

According to Madhumita Roy, director of ISRC, "the situation has truly changed in the last few years. At our agency, about 17 families are waiting to adopt a girl child. Interestingly, many couples who already have a daughter are also keen to adopt another girl." The adoption of a second child is becoming increasingly common.

When Rajat and Debjani Banerjee’s six-year-old son, Anwesh, insisted that he wanted a sister, the couple decided that they would go in for adoption. Nearly a year after they had applied to an accredited adoption agency, one-year-old Disha joined their family. Recalls Debjani: "Anwesh took complete charge of his little sister, and we could not send him to school for a couple of weeks." Adds Rajat: "The siblings completely adore each other. And often, people even remark that Disha looks like my wife." —WFS

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