Symbolism staged
The Ibsen theatre festival in the Capital had city-based director Neelam Mansingh rubbing shoulders with international names like Jon Tombre and Juni Dahr

City-based theatreperson Neelam Mansingh's play Little Eyolf has been a huge draw at the Annual Ibsen Festival going on in Delhi.

The Dramatic Art & Design Academy along with the Royal Norwegian Embassy are organising the festival inspired by famous playwright Henrik Ibsen. Dr Nissar Allana, director, DADA, has a team of Indian Ibsen-experts working closely with him.

This year, the festival, on till December 20, contains three Indian Ibsen-productions, two international and a cross-professional seminar. The plays are directed by renowned Indian theatre personalities like Anuradha Kapur, Neelam Mansingh, Ratan Thiyam and international directors like Un-Magritt Nordseth, Jon Tombre and Juni Dahr.

Neelam Mansingh's play, staged on Tuesday, deals with grief and guilt. Says she: "The characters in Little Eyolf are motivated by an illogical impulse and there is no knowing what they will do next. I saw the play in three blocks—the first one as a 'journey', the second block was in terms of 'images of grief' (how they deal with the loss of Little Eyolf—Abaan in the Punjabi version); and the third block was 'resolution.'

"As I read this terrible and beautiful work of art, I tried to unpeel the meaning inherent in it—not perhaps the meaning, and still less all the meanings. It was only during the process of rehearsals that its meanings dawned upon me; like the symbolism of life itself, seldom formulated, never worked out with precision or logic.

"The character of the rat woman was so familiar to Browning's Pied Piper of Hamelin and was the most complex to contextualise-what do I use as a reference point-many possibilities were explored-is she evil? Or is she a magician? Is the death real? Or is it allegorical? Does the unwanted child 'will' his going away to a place and a space where he feels nurtured and loved?" she adds.

The play centres around the story of the Allmer family. Alfred , Eyolf's father, relinquishes his work on his book The Responsibility of Man, to focus on raising his son. Eyolf has 'beautiful eyes' but is paralysed and leads a sheltered life. The boy wants to live normally like other boys but his father knows that this is not possible. As such, Alfred wants to turn Eyolf towards loftier, intellectual pursuits. Coupled with this there is Asta, Alfred's possessive wife and his sister Rita. Into this family, enters two characters, the Rat-wife, an enchantress, capable of making rodents follow her to the sea, where they drown and an engineer Borgheim, who in turn is interested in Asta. Against this background, little Eyolf meets his tragic death, when he follows the Rat-wife and the relationships in the Allmer family takes tumultous turns.

The play meandered along the translucent alleys of human guilt and loss. There are people who make endings their final ends, however, the Ibsen effect in this play shows that endings can also be beginnings. When grief is overcome, relationships work out as they have always worked, yet there is a senseof loss which permeates the play.-—TNS

 

The original

On December11, 1894, Little Eyolf was published simultaneously in Copenhagen, London, Christiania, and Berlin, an unsurpassed feat at the time in Ibsen's already prosperous career. Readers had never waited with such anticipation for an Ibsen play. "The crutch is floating", a quote from the new play, was already the talk of the town, having been published by Norwegian newspapers earlier. The play was well received, both by the buying public and the critics. The play went into its second edition in 10 days and its third edition less than a month later, faster than any other Ibsen play to date, and subsequently was produced more in its first season than any of his other immediate successes. 

No drought of creativity
Parbina Rashid

Suresh Pushpakar Think Ethiopia, and images that comes flashing to mind are of drought, famine and malnourished children with soulful eyes. Wait, there are good things about the country too. Like this is one country that had never been colonised either by the British or the Italians, who tried several times! There is art too. Well, from what we have seen and heard, the country has a rich heritage, which somehow reminds us of our own Pahari paintings, albeit a lot brighter, devoid of much background details and with faces that belong to tribesmen and women. And, talking about art, now we two countries share another common link - Suresh Pushpakar.

A passout of the Government College of Art, Suresh landed up in Adis Ababa, the Ethiopian capital, to do something different. An artist and a stage actor (he worked with late Aditya Prakash in quite a few plays, including Antigony), he started his own fine art and fashion academy - Bridgeway Institute of Fine Arts.

"Ethiopian art is somehow inspired by Indian art because the culture there is quite similar to our own," says Suresh, who draws similarities between the Ethiopian traditional art and our Pahari paintings - big eyes, bright hues and minutest of brush strokes and themes that revolve around religious texts.

The Bridgeway, which is first of its kind institute, is getting warm response over there. "Like many other countries, Ethiopian artists too are trying out modern art and doing quite fine," says the artist, who himself is a graphic artist. And his passion to bring both countries closer is now can be seen in Gallery We, which he painted with Mughal miniatures along with tribal cave paintings of his adopted country.

If you cannot get to see his fusion work even in the Net, don't lose heart. For, the artist is soon going to bring his works to the city along with works of a few contemporary Indian and Ethiopian artists. And that's what we need to change our perception about that country.

parbina@tribunemail.com

Multiplex mood
Ghajini & Chandni Chowk... are expected to lift the B-town mood
Arpana

Shah Rukh Khan's Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi has brought some respite to the Hindi film industry, which has been hit by the global meltdown and the terror strikes in Mumbai, says filmmaker Pritish Nandy. And he predicts that Ghajini and Chandni Chowk To China would further change the mood.
Akshay Kumar: From Chandini Chowk to China
Akshay Kumar: From Chandini Chowk to China

According to him, the financial crisis and the terror strikes have badly hit the
film business.

"Advertising is down by 50 percent, so are sponsorships. Even the Twenty-20 (cricket) had to be cancelled. Distributors are hesitant to pick up movies because they are wary of theatrical attendance. However, there is a possibility that this could change with the films that are about to hit the theatres. Shah Rukh's Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi has already done reasonably well. It has brought some people back to the halls. Next we have Aamir Khan's Ghajini and Akshay Kumar's Chandni Chowk To China - both are being touted as big hits. If they do well, the entire mood will change," Nandy of Pritish Nandy Communications (PNC) said in an interview.

He said that movies on the 26/11 terror attacks could be made, but not right now. "That would look very insensitive". Do you have any such plans? "Certainly not now. We may consider the idea when we are more removed from the immediacy of the pain and anger. Right now, like most Mumbaikars, I am licking my wounds."

On how did the terror strikes affect him on a personal level he says, "Like everyone else I was angry and deeply pained. The world saw us battling these 10 terrorists for over 60 hours and not being able to save as many innocent people as we should have liked to. Mumbaikars are tough, but this time I saw people fearful and traumatised by the events. No one will forget this for a long time."

Quite a few production houses have cut down their movie budgets due to the economic crisis, talking about his production house Pritish says, "Certainly. It would be foolish not to, but not at the cost of hurting our films."

What about your movie with Amitabh Bachchan called The Actor and it is said to be a tie-up with a French production house. Is it true that it will go on floors in Paris in January 2009, "No, there is no French production house involved. It's just us (PNC) and AB Corp. It will start soon, once the script is finalised. Yes, we will start with the Paris shoot."

Taj Mahal to other Taj
After his epic romance Taj Mahal, filmmaker Akbar Khan now plans to make a film on terrorism
Subhash K. Jha

Akbar Khan now plans to make a film called Taxi Driver and says it will send out a strong message on terrorism.

"It's the story of a single mother with a 10-year old kid. It will send out a great message against terrorism. It's a subject that's been close to my heart," Khan said.

Khan, who gave Smita Patil a seductively psychotic role in Haadsa, released in 1983, has been scouting for an actor to play the protagonist. But he is having trouble getting the top leading ladies to do the film.

Lara Dutta was a top contender for the part, but she is already playing a mother to a growing son in Priyadarshan's Billoo Barber on Shah Rukh Khan's special request.

Other screen queens are disinclined to 
play mom.

At the same time, Akbar is determined to revive interest in his last project Taj Mahal. The film was released in 2005, but sank without a trace.

"God has his own ways of deciding who and what to bless at what time."

The global economic crisis doesn't bother the filmmaker, who wants to make a film on the life of Mongolian invader Genghis Khan and says the movie's budget would run into multiple 
millions.

"America survived even the Great Depression. This is nothing in comparison. Roti (bread), kapda (clothes), makaan (house) and manoranjan (entertainment) will never be too prohibitive," Khan said.

Chak Jawana has message for youth

Following the success of its maiden Punjabi film, Mera Pind-My Home, BIG Pictures, the motion pictures brand from Reliance BIG Entertainment Ltd (RBEL) in association with Initiative Films, brings it's second Punjabi film Chak Jawana. The film recently completed its final shooting schedule and is expected to release next year.

Produced by Balli Janjua and Rupinder Chahal of Initiative Films and directed by Simerjit Singh, Chak Jawana highlights the problems faced by the youth of a village in Punjab. These young men become directionless after falling prey to the evil of drugs. The helpless elders worry about the future of their community. In this atmosphere of despair, Captain Gurjeet Singh (Gurdas Maan) arrives home on a month's leave from the Indian Navy. Disappointed with the situation prevailing in his village, he pledges to reform the undisciplined young men.

The film has Gurdas Maan in an inspirational lead role. Jonita Doda plays the lead opposite the legend. Gurkirtan and Rana Ranbir who play pivotal characters. Looking at the current situation of our country, an entertaining, family-oriented film, which deals with social issues and concerns will be well received by the audience.

Mahesh Ramanathan, COO, BIG Pictures, said, "Our first Punjabi film Mera Pind did well beyond audience expectations. Our second film Chak Jawana has a strong message for the youth looking for greener pastures abroad."

Gurdas Maan expressed his thoughts on Chak Jawana with his characteristic clarity- "When Rupinder, Balli and Simerjit narrated the script, I immediately gave my consent to be a part of this film. It highlights a serious issue in Punjab. Being a son of this soil, I have noted with grave concern the grip of drugs on our youth. It was my responsibility to express my thoughts on this problem. This youthful film will give hope to our youngsters by starting a vigorous social discussion. The privilege of working on this project with BIG pictures was made possible only through the energetic efforts of Initiative Films."—TNS

Star gaze
Subhash K. Jha

Just like their fans, Bollywood stars too unwind in front of the idiot box. While Saif Ali Khan loves watching shows like Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot, Naseeruddin Shah prefers sports channels and Vidya Balan turns to dance and music reality shows.

Saif Ali KhanSaif Ali Khan: My favourite TV shows are Entourage, Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Blackadder, Prison Break, 24, The X Files, Murder She Wrote and Who's The Boss.

Vidya Balan: I used to watch Nach Baliye sometimes. Otherwise no TV show has me really hooked. When I've the time, I watch films. I used to be an avid TV watcher before I joined films. Now I've become very impatient. Since I don't have the time to follow the soaps, I end up watching just the news or music channels. Even the news channels are so tacky sometimes.

I enjoy the music talent shows. These shows have given us so much singing talent. However, one aspect of these shows upsets me. People on these shows come just for 15 minutes of fame and not for the love of the arts. Sorry if I sound 
judgemental, but no one seems to have his or her priorities right on these shows.

Naseeruddin ShahNaseeruddin Shah: I only watch tennis and cricket on television. Also old movies. I tried watching the Olympics on television and gave up for obvious reasons.

R. Madhavan: I watch television for about an hour at the most. And that too depends on my shooting schedule. My favourite TV shows are the ones on National Geographic, Untamed Africa, etc. Barring a few, most news channels are tabloids and I find it very hard to digest the content. Reality shows are now formated and predictable.

Kay Kay Menon: I don't normally watch daily soaps or reality shows. I watch news and sports channels. I also watch National Geographic, Discovery and History channels. Recently, I watched the music talent show Junoon Kuch Kar Dikhane Ka on NDTV Imagine. I loved it for its superior standards and quality of singing.

Raima Sen: I only watch Friends and Sex & The City. Both are hilarious and the characters are easy to relate to. I also liked Fear Factor, though I'd never want to participate in it.

Dino Morea: I only watch television for sports, or if there's important news. Or if I'm on some show.

Manoj Bajpai: I only watch news channels because I want to keep abreast of what's happening in the world.

Aniston and action

Jennifer Aniston has revealed that she would love to put her cowboy hat and add 'shoot-'em-up' films to her kitty if given the chance. The Along Came Polly actor, who shot to fame by starring as Rachel Green in the popular US sitcom Friends, said that she would love to try her hand in different genres.

She told the USA Today newspaper: "Would I like to do a shoot-'em-up film? Like a Western? I'd like to do that, too."

"There's something else out there that I'm going to be possibly doing called 'Bounty Hunter'. It's good. It's not definite yet." Jennifer further added that she hit it off with co-star Owen Wilson at the sets of her latest movie Marley and Me.

She said: "It was an instant ease when we met and started rehearsing, and I think it's rare. Sometimes you actually really like the person you are having good chemistry with. We lucked out. It was fun to be at work and play these
people." —IANS, ANI

Music mania
The tricity’s first music lounge, Rock In Rio, offers food, drinks and real hard rock
Ashima Sehajpal

Hungry kya: Rock On Rio Lounge promises international cuisine and music Kabhi khud pe hasa main or kabhi roya, nan nnn nana nnn, we could hear the song resonating while climbing down the stairs. Further as we stepped inside, next track that the band played was We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control (wish somebody took the lyrics seriously). Many more such rock songs followed. Before you start assuming it is a rock concert or music classes, we are writing about, lets us inform you it's not that. But, it is indeed a treat for all rock music lovers in the city, brought on the platter by Atul Grover, MD of Rock In Rio-43, Chandigarh's first hard rock lounge.

"Innovative, unexplored and a thrilling experience for rock lovers", is how Atul describes the concept of this theme based lounge where you can enjoy food, drinks and music. And we agree. For people who look forward to rock concerts in the city or at the most enjoy this genre of music on music systems, this is the place to be at. Rio rather provides an extravaganza for them. "Your wish is our command", says Atul as he tells us what all he can play for the music lovers. "We have a library of 40 rock concerts videos including those of Guns n Roses, Korn, Eagles, Beatles…and in case we don't have a particular track in our library, wait for ten minutes and we will arrange it for you."

And if that is not enough, then the lounge is all set organise battle of bands from December 24th onwards. "Already seven bands have registered for the competition. The winner will be announced on the New Year's eve." Need more music dose? The winner band will then perform here regularly specially for you.

No denial, Atul says it without hesitation that the inspiration came from Hard Rock Cafe in Mumbai. "Idea came from there but we didn't want to imitate it completely and so the interiors have been done in a very different way." The interiors do deserve a mention which are swank and contemporary. The walls have posters of rock music legends and guitars are hung all over. Not to be missed is the 40 feet long guitar at the entrance to welcome music buffs. "We wanted to give people a better experience, hence unlike the practice at other lounges, there are no LCD's in here but projectors to show videos," says Vikram Pannu, the brain behind the interiors.

As more of Western music played here, so is the menu. "We do have here the basic Indian dishes, but the menu is heavier on the Mediterranean and Italian cuisines." It has wide range of drinks from tequilas, vodkas, scotch to cognacs with best-suited cocktails and loads of snacks. So while you drink and eat, enjoy the music and as the name of the lounge literally says, Rock On! .

ashima@tribunemail.com

Calorie kum

With Christmas just round the corner, people have begun to place orders for cakes, puddings and moose. So, if your baker doesn't have time to make one for you, the best thing to do is, make it yourself. Aroma Hotel-22 in association with Rich Company organised a cake-making workshop in the city on Wednesday. 

"We will make 2,000 cakes, 400 puddings and 100 moose in the workshop," says Joginder Singh, a chef from Delhi. And the estimate is that nearly 2,000 women will attend the workshop. "The focus is on how to do the icing in different designs with whipped cream, chocolate flakes and fruits," says Neelu Biswas, who represents Rich Company. 

The icing cream that will be used in the workshop is fat and cholesterol free. "Other than the common ones like black forest, chocolate and butterscotch, the participants will be taught how to make other varieties like Jogoto cake and blue berry pudding. Also, a competition will be held among the participants after the workshop. — TNS 

Pet Theory
Warm affection
Shiv Kaushal

Winter is here. This year, when the temperature drops, remember that your pooch needs protection from the cold too.

We may think our dogs are tough and they shouldn't be in the house alone, especially when they are considered a large dog breed. Your pet does need regular exercise and plenty of room to grow, but you should also consider the type of weather you will be leaving them in. Cold weather is one of the most dangerous times of the year for your dog. Even when you have a Huskie or Akita they need to have protection from the harsh cold weather. As an owner you are going to be responsible for their care.

First of all the doghouse should be insulated and large enough. They should have plenty of blankets and covering to avoid the cold earth or chilly winds.

When the cold weather rolls in, you are better off keeping the dog inside. It is rather cruel to withhold proper care just because the dog is a little too big or can get into trouble while inside. Your best option for cold weather care is coming home at least once during the day and letting them out for exercise and bathroom breaks.

We all like to turn down the temperature when we aren't home, but consider what temperature the dog will need to be comfortable. If it is too cold inside you are doing no better by having them inside. So, maintain a decent temperature while you are away for the day.

You may need to spend a little more playtime and exercise time with your dog once you get home, but it is important to see they are safe, warm, and happy during the day when you are at work. You can even leave them extra blankets around their bed during the night and when you are away just in case the house isn't warm enough. Most dogs love to cuddle when it gets cold.

Cold weather can be just as harsh on your dogs or dog as it is on you. Keep in mind that extra care exercise out of doors. There are many things needed to be taken care of, such as dog coats and dog sweaters, even if you are just going out for a little.

In many areas, winter is a season of bitter cold and numbing wetness. Help your pets remain happy and healthy by following these simple guidelines: ·

Don't leave the dogs and cats outdoors when temperature drops. Most dogs and all cats are safer indoors, except when taken out for exercise. Regardless of the season, shorthaired, very young or old dogs and all cats should never be left outside without supervision. Short-coated dogs may feel more comfortable wearing a sweater during walks.

w Wind chill can threaten a pet's life. A dog or a cat is happiest and healthiest when kept indoors. If your dog is an outdoor dog, however, he or she must be protected by a dry, draft-free doghouse that is large enough to allow the dog to sit and lie down comfortably, but small enough to hold in his or her body heat. The floor should be raised a few inches above the ground and covered with wood shavings or straw. You can keep empty jute bags or a piece of carpet also to cover the floor. The house should be turned to face away from the wind, and the doorway should be covered with waterproof burlap or heavy plastic.

w Pets, who spend a lot of time outdoors, need more food in the winter because keeping warm depletes energy. Routinely check your pet's water dish to make certain the water is fresh.

w Warm engines in parked cars attract stray dogs and cats and may crawl up under the hood. To avoid injuring any hidden animals, bang on your car's hood to scare them away before starting your engine.

w Probably the best prescription for winter woes is to keep your dog or cat inside with you and your family. The happiest dogs are those who are taken out frequently for walks and exercise but kept inside the rest of the time. Dogs and cats are social animals and crave human companionship. Your animal companions deserve to live indoors with you and your family.

shivkaushal@yahoo.com

Love, actually
Mona

All set for a romantic movie date with your special someone this weekend? Here's a little reason to worry. Romantic comedies, popularly known as 'romcoms' or 'chick flicks' (because of their appeal to women) can actually wreak havoc on your love life, for they generate unrealistic expectations about real-life relationships, create a warped idea of a perfect partner and oversimplify the process of falling in love, says a recent research.
DDLJ still tops the charts when it comes to romantic movies of Bollywood
DDLJ still tops the charts when it comes to romantic movies of Bollywood

The study conducted by Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh elaborates that that fans of films such as You've Got Mail, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping, often fail to communicate with their partners effectively, with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want, without you needing to tell them. Lifestyle finds out what moviegoers in the city have to say about this niche genre.

"I'm just crazy about romantic comedies," says Alisha Thapar, who swears by Notting Hill and Bridget Jones' Diary. "Though I am too young to have experienced something as beautiful as what I have seen on the silver screen, I believe that these fairy tales do come true. The grandeur may not be the same, but the passion certainly is," further quips the bubbly girl.

"Exactly," says Gautam Khetrapal, another hardcore romcom fan. "I find these movies very realistic. True love is a reality and who knows it may happen exactly in the manner we have seen or want it to happen," adds the budding engineer, who knows each and every dialogue of 50 First Dates and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai by heart.

There are others too who, though, love to drool over chick flicks, know where to draw the line. "When you see romance on reel, you start feeling that it could happen in real life too. When it doesn't, it comes as a setback, but then you have to get over it fast," opines Deepa Sharma, a research scholar, who loves Sleepless in Seattle and Harry Met Sally.

"Well, these movies are fun. I love their feel-good factor. Pretty Woman is a lovely movie but one knows it wouldn't happen in real life," exclaims Navdeep Randhawa, B Com first year student. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind if something like in movies happens in real life too, but then I don't have any intention to wait all my life for 'Mr Right' to turn up," she asserts.

There are even some who just dismiss these movies as flight of fantasy. "Reality is far more twisted than what is shown in these movies, which have unlikely happy endings and improbable plots. You see someone, fall in love and marry next. Is it that simple? Love in reality is a huge struggle and not everyone 'lives happily ever after'. I personally know so many couples who had a love marriage and within a month of wedding parted ways, " feels Ashima Verma from Zirakpur.

Sumeet Gill, a lecturer, seconds her. "I would love to see anything but romantic comedies. The light-hearted plotlines, based on romantic ideals, create a make-believe world where you want things to work out as easily and smoothly as being shown to you. It distances you from truth, generating troubles in your real relationship," he adds.

Dr Parmod, who has been practicing marriage counselling for last 15 years, says: "People's reaction to movies is emotional rather than intellectual. And even in that it's adolescents who are more impressionable." Talking about romance that these kind of movies project he adds: "Romance, love and affection are the needs of every woman irrespective of her educational, social or professional background. But then in our society's scenario, romance in marriage is much sought after but rare. And people are practical enough to realise it sooner or later."

So, next if you are planning to watch such a flick, don't bring the heavy baggage of expectations back home.

mona@tribunemail.com

Dad in fifties
Though the biological clock might not be ticking for men, fathers' age matters too when it comes to children's behaviour

Researchers from Tel Aviv University suggest that older fathers are likely to have boys with poor social abilities. The study revealed that older dads are more likely to have boys with autism and lower IQs.

"There is a growing body of data showing that an advanced age of parents puts their kids at risk for various illnesses," said lead researcher Dr. Mark Weiser from TAU's Sackler School of Medicine.

"Some illnesses, such as schizophrenia, appear to be more common the older parents get. Doctors and psychologists are fascinated by this, but don't really understand it. We want to know how it works," he added.

Older the father, greater is the chance of boys to display poor social abilities as teen.

Dr. Weiser looked at data collected by the Israeli army. Subjects included more than 450,000 male teens, aged 16 and 17 and asked about their social life.

The researchers found that the prevalence of poor social functioning increased by 50 pct in boys with fathers 45 years old and up.

"It could be that men with poorer social skills get married later in life, and therefore transmit this characteristic to their boys. But our studies attempted to control for this variable by looking at brothers from the same father," said Weiser.

However, he also suggests that older men shouldn't change their minds about having children since the statistical risk is relatively minor.

"The effects of a father's age on the health of his son are quite small, and many of the most dramatic effects in this study are driven by dads in their 50s," said Weiser.

"The difference in risk between someone who is 35 or 45 is so small that it's irrelevant," he added. —ANI 

Perfect parenting

'Perfect' parents trying hard to meet their children's every need may be doing more harm than good, claims a book. Sydney psychologist Renee Mill said that parents are exhausted and stressed while trying to fulfill every demand of their kids.

In her new book, No Sweat Parenting, Mill has listed out six 'perfect parenting"' myths.

She writes that this is in a well intentioned but misguided belief that quality time means sitting on the floor playing whatever game their child wants.

Other myths include that parents must be perfect; firm discipline will quash a child's self-esteem; parenting and adult life have to be conducted separately; parents cannot deprive their kids of material goods; and that parents have to shield children from any problems or disappointments in life.

Mill insists that, with these myths, parents are bringing up a generation of kids believe they are the centre of the universe. "We are growing monsters," she warned. — ANI

Six myths

1. Need to spend 'quality time'

2. Parents must be perfect

3. Firm discipline will quash a child's self-esteem

4. Parenting and adult life have to be conducted separately

5. Parents cannot deprive their kids of material goods

6. Parents have to shield children from any problems or disappointments in life 

Write to  Renee
Controlling mom

I am a 29-year-old woman and my greatest problem is my domineering mother. She interferes in everything I do and her only excuse is that she is my parent. My father and she separated when I was only five and my father got re-married. I have been visiting them often. My mother has stayed single, and now she says that she has scarified her whole life for me, and I must follow her every whim. I feel this is an emotional blackmail. On the other hand I feel very close to my father and like his open attitude. I hate controlling people like my mother. I prefer to dabble in art and allow my father to provide for me, but my mother wants me to get married and settle down. I want to have a life of my own. Can you suggest what should I do.

Anamika Khanna, Shimla

You are unnecessarily wallowing in self-pity. It is very easy for us to blame our parents, our childhood and our environment for the present condition of our lives. We are bombarded with all sorts of negative ideas in a situation like yours, but we need to understand that family limitations must not be allowed to hamper our potential. Your mother may be only talking for your good, why are you viewing her in this negative perception mould. I think you are old enough to understand. Also if you would find yourself a focus, life would definitely be much better. A job of your choice is what you need and stop concentrating so much on your father or mother.

Let her go

I am 23, just finished my M.A. English from Hyderabad and moved to this city . I am keen to pursue higher studies but the university over here seems extremely unfriendly. People seem to only relate to you if you are a Punjabi that I am not. I am keen in spirituality. But my friends find it crazy. I wonder if i should change my ways to gain acceptance. Please advice.

Nayontara Reddy, Chandigarh.

Just learn to love and accept yourself for who you are and the way you are.Trust life to support you in your decisions. I think it's great to have a spiritual bent of mind and there is nothing crazy about it. Of course everyone has a different perspective of life. Go to the university surely and make new friends . Remember the world accepts you when you accept yourself.

Unsure in love

I am a 27 , and was going steady with this girl for the past seven years. Now suddenly her parents have got her engaged to an engineer from Canada and she is marrying him and pushing off for good. I don’t know how to handle this situation. I am completely stunned and seeking solace in alcohol every evening. Why did she do this to me? I have been good to her, only that for the last two years that she was pressurising me for marriage I was not being able to give her a concrete answer. Now I feel I should have decided to marry her. I still do not have a steady job, good enough to support a family. But the thought of her leaving me is driving me crazy. Please help.

Anoop Raj, Ramgarh

Young man take heart, I don't feel you are as affected as you make it sound. I feel it is your ego that is more hurt in this case than your heart. If you were truly in love with her and she was actually going out of your life you would have seen to it that you got a proper job and settled down, so that you could marry her and be together. The mere fact that for the last two years you have been taking it easy means that you took the issue lightly. Now if her parents have found her a suitable match, I think you should just let her go and make peace with the situation. Find yourself a genuine interest in life. Play a game of tennis or golf in the evening, this is like a meditation, it will calm you down . Since you are still unsure, allow you girlfriend the freedom and joy of settling down in life. If you truly love her you must seek her happiness.

at lifestyletribune@gmail.com or Life Style, The Tribune, Sector 29-C, Chd




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