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Tolerance slowdown Losses in the stock meltdown led MBA students to kidnap a kid. What is causing this decline in our ability to face adversity?
The young mind is on fire. And this is evident from the blatant defiance to authority, incessant hostile behaviour and violent acts. Lifestyle does a quick check to know why the young are so restless and desperate. "There are lots of chemical changes in the body during the teenage. Though officially it gets over when the kid is around 19, in some cases, it might get stretched to 25 years. The raging hormones create a lot of identity issues and mood swings. If the kids are ignored or worst misunderstood at this critical juncture, they are bound to create trouble," says city-based psychiatrist Dr Simmi Waraich. There are extrinsic factors too which are lowering the boiling point. Says Indu Khanna, a teacher from Mohali: "The media's obsession with crime and violence is ruining households. Adolescents are in an impressionable age. They pick up instances from what they see and don't mind experimenting." Mani Majra banker Neena Sharma agrees. "The TV channels are bombarding viewers with controversies. Even daily soaps promote conspiracies, backstabbing, violence and what not. There is no end to it. This negative payload is weighing heavy on youth. Add to it, the dwindling value system," she quips. The parents and schools will also have to share the blame, says sociologist Kiranpreet. "In the nuclear set-up, an increasing number of couples are finding it difficult to devote quality time to their kids. To make up for it, they are showering lavish gifts and fulfilling their materialistic demands, just or unjust. Taking advantage of this, kids impose themselves on their parents and started taking them for granted. Similarly, at school so much emphasis is being paid to performance that is hampering the proper growth of children," she asserts. So are there any safeguards? "The key is to identify signals," suggests Dr Warraich. "Hostile behaviour could be a desperate cry for help or sign of some deeper problem. Also, parents should try to ascertain whether their kid is a bully or being bullied. Talk to them, listen to them. Be transparent. But when you need to set boundaries stick to them." "The media needs to tread cautiously. The acts of violence should be subdued rather than given prominence," adds Khanna. "The kids need some kind of control right from childhood. You can't suddenly force your authority suddenly when they are adolescent," advises Kiranpreet. mona@tribunemail.com
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Thanks anyways! We may not be into Thanksgiving Day but we have plenty of things to be grateful for. In which other city would we find such ‘blessings’… Today's the fourth Thursday of November. So what, you may ask. Well, it's Thanksgiving Day. Agreed, it's not a cult in this part of the world, nonetheless we do recognise and assimilate many of the festivals of the globe. The more, the merrier! For the uninitiated, Thanksgiving Day is a traditional North American holiday meant to be celebrated by offering prayers, gifting your near and dear ones. Also a kind of harvest festival (comparable to our Baisakhi), and marked as a sense of gratitude people feel (or should feel!) for all good things in life. And since, gratitude for blessings is a virtue all must possess, we can celebrate this day. Rather, go a step further and try being grateful for things we should be protesting against. How's that? Some things we should be 'grateful' for:
Think about it... manpriya@tribunemail.com
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After the Padmashri in India, SRK will get the Datuk in Malaysia
And he's expected to receive the honour in traditional Malaysian attire. The actor will be arriving at Kuala Lumpur International Airport at 7.30am before making his way to the state. Kaseh said that the actor will receive his Darjah Mulia Seri Melaka award at a ceremony at 10 a.m. at Dewan Seri Negri, Ayer Keroh, in the presence of 1,000 invited guests. "He will be conferred the Darjah Mulia Seri Melaka (DMSM), which carries the title 'Datuk', by Yang Dipertua Negeri Tun Mohd Khalil Yaakob in conjunction with his 70th birthday. Shahrukh will be wearing a black Baju Melayu for the ceremony. We will be inviting about 1,000 guests to the investiture," the New Straits Times Online quoted him, as saying. The actor is being awarded the DMSM for indirectly promoting the state to the world through six movies. The actor is immensely popular among Malaysians and had shot the film One 2 Ka 4 and a song sequence from his blockbuster Don in Malacca.
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Zulfi Syed hopes to bag some fine Bollywood offers post-Bigg Boss "Post-Bigg Boss I have got some very good offers. I'm
going through some good scripts. Though I cannot divulge any details as of
now, I will soon make a decision," Zulfi said. But he denies that
he accepted the show to get publicity. "I wanted to be a part of show
not only for money and popularity but because I wanted to see whether I'll
be able to live without any communication from the outside world for days
together. I wanted to experience something like this," said Zulfi,
who was the most shy among other housemates. Zulfi started off as a model
and did commercials for Raymond's, Warehouse and Levis among others. He
also featured in various music videos and then made his Bollywood debut
with Pyaasa, which flopped. It was followed by forgettable films
like Taj Mahal, Chupke Se, Mr Hot and Mr Kool and more recently Deshdrohi. "I
do not regret doing the kind of films I have done. I'm not from a filmy
background so I can't expect that I'll get a good film every day,"
Zulfi said. Now the actor says he is looking forward to a better career
in films. Does he feel bad on not winning Bigg Boss? "No, I'm
not feeling bad at all on not being declared the winner because winning
and losing is not the only thing. I came out with my dignity and that's
more important to me," said Zulfi, who really wanted close friend and
Bigg Boss co-participant Debojit Saha to win. During the show,
housemates and viewers often compared Zulfi's quiet demeanour to Bigg
Boss season one winner Rahul Roy's personality. "I don't know why
people compared me with Rahul Roy. Why would I follow him? The way I was
inside the house is the real me. This is the way I am. I did not put a
mask. I don't like to shout and fight. In fact, I used to get irritated
when people used to show this kind of behaviour," he said. About his
experience in the house, Zulfi added: "I did not dislike anyone. I
was not very close to people but I was comfortable with everyone. In fact,
I feel others might not have been comfortable with me since I never used
to talk to them so much."
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at lifestyletribune@gmail.com or Life Style, The Tribune, Sector 29-C, Chd I am 32 and a successful career woman. My problem is that all other aspects of my life seem to be in a big mess. I am in emotional doldrums. I flit from one relationship to another. Each time I think I have arrived at the right relationship and marriage is round the corner, I discover that either the man is cheating on me or he has other plans. Why does this happen to me? My work situation on the other hand is very good. I run my own private business and travel round the world. Is this God's way of balancing things? Taniya Goyal, Chandigarh You get what you ask for. God has no reason to balance your life by making one part of your life miserable. Check your own intentions. There is something called the Law of Attraction. Maybe you are attracting negative situations with your own insecurity. Learn to be sure of what you desire and then focus on it. You probably have a pattern of behavior that makes the guys shy away from you. Spend some time with yourself and concentrate on your behaviour. See where you are going wrong and rectify it. If you are giving too much of yourself to your career, mellow it down and try and create a balance between your emotional life and career. All will work well for you. * * * I am 29, working in a telephone company. Although I qualified to be a teacher and that is where my passion lies. Because of circumstance I have landed myself in this job. I did my M.A. in mathematics and after B.Ed. I started teaching in a school. I was extremely happy with my life and living comfortably with my parents. In the school, I met a girl and we fell in love. She compelled me to leave my job and move with her to her native city and join a new job there. But now, I feel I am a big wreck. Nothing is working well for me and I am depressed. What should I do? Anil Sharma, Shahbad, Ambala Take heart, the best of us make wrong decisions and feel sorry for ourselves, but that's not so terrible. We must remember that every problem has a solution. So, do not feel dejected. Life has myriads of colours. This change of colour in your life is just a phase. If you feel you want to go back to your parents home, your old job and your life, do so by all means without hesitation. Just learn to put your ego to one side, as that is what creates all the problems. Life is always about your happiness. As long as you don't hurt anyone it's fine. Ask your girlfriend to stand by you if she really loves you and make your own decision. * * * What do you do when your colleagues are jealous of you? I am a 19-year-old-girl teaching in a primary school. I enjoy my job and look forward to going to school every day. Needless to say, I dress very well and my level of confidence is rather good. But then I have noticed the attitude of all the other staff members who work with me. They seem to be hassled by my whole demeanor. They always try to show me down in some way or the other. Initially I did not notice it much and never allowed it to bother me. But now I hate this constant critical approach of my peers and feel it affects my state of mind. Please help. Sudha Menon, Chandigarh Human nature is the same all over the world. Most people are shallow and ridden with jealousies. I can relate to what you say because if I look back in life, I can see myself in various similar situations. But you must see the brighter side of it. These are the kind of situations that bring out the best in you. The mere fact that you are understanding negative emotion at a tender age is an encouraging factor. You have a long way to go. All sensitive people go through these kinds of emotions. Learn to ignore this. Pretend you haven't noticed it and if someone is nasty show complete indifference. They are looking for a reaction. Do not give them the pleasure. After a while they will tire themselves of their negative habits and give up. Take on the world at your own terms and don't allow these minor hurdles to hassle you. Just be you.
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When Daniel Craig first heard from the
Bond producers that he had got the part of the super spy, he was in a
store buying dishwashing tablets. After the call, he dropped them and
bought a bottle of vodka instead. This perfectly sums up Craig. Without
the James Bond role, Craig would have very likely ended his career in
anonymity, toiling in critically acclaimed but unacknowledged roles. The
two recent releases starring him - Quantum Of Solace and Flashbacks
of a Fool - perfectly point out the ambiguity of Craig. Quantum
Of Solace is a big- budget 22nd instalment of the Bond franchise and
Flashbacks Of A Fool is a small independent movie, which he took
on mainly because a good friend (Baillie Walsh) of his directed the
movie with him in mind for the lead role. When Craig was announced as
the new Bond, almost everyone was surprised, but not pleasantly. There
was severe backlash and the nasty criticism carried on well into the
filming of his debut in Casino Royale. But after the smashing
success of the movie and Craig’s brilliant performance of a more raw,
muscular, gritty, darker Bond, the actor has been flying high and is
well on his way to becoming one of the most popular Bonds. The beauty
in the meteoric rise of Craig’s stardom is the absolute obscurity from
which he rose. He did not have a major hit. He did star in the hit Elizabeth,
but even there he played a monk featured in very few scenes, who is
only remembered for bashing someone’s head with a rock. He also
starred in the critically acclaimed Munich directed by Steven
Spielberg, but played second fiddle to Eric Bana. Hardly anybody would
have heard of the movies that Craig starred in before he became famous.
Craig clearly had to shoulder one of the weightiest burdens of any actor
in recent memory when he took on the Bond role. He was a virtual
unknown, the first blonde Bond to be born after the franchise began and
clearly the most gifted of all Bond actors. He is here to stay.
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In 'D' company Depression is killing us slowly but surely
It may be a cobweb for some, a black hole for others. It transcends the barriers of age and institutions. It seems to be omni-present, especially in the rush-hour world of today. We are talking about depression, an urban bane, which is bruising, breaking and even crushing our lives. Statistics reveal that depression single-handedly is the most common cause of spurt in suicidal tendencies among people worldwide. Our city, known for 'good quality of life', is no exception with already 71 suicide cases reported this year. The figures of past five years are equally depressing. What are the reasons behind this grim mental climate? How can we get out of it, save ourselves and our loved ones from this sweeping phenomenon? Says sociologist Rajesh Gill: "Life's tough and pressures too much to handle, as a result frustrations get bottled up. Absence of support structures adds to the agony and one fine day, the lid bursts open, leading to nervous breakdown, feeling of worthlessness and subsequently suicide." "The situation is spinning out of control because there is a tendency to conceal and present a pretentious picture to those around us. These days a husband needs privacy from wife, children from parents and vice versa, where is the sharing? There has been a shift from we to I. It's making us lonely. We are projecting a happy, successful image to the world around us but are not ready to accept our frailties. If I have a scar on my face, I am spending all my energy and time to hide it under make-up. It's true about almost all aspects of our life. We are leading a life of deceit and then finally there comes a time when we cannot do it anymore," she adds. Agrees Amandeep Kaur, another sociologist, "Dealing with stress is not easy, especially when it is present everywhere - at school, workplace and even home. We are being continuously haunted by expectations, competition and performance. And sadly it starts early in our life. A kid at school is under tremendous pressure to outshine his peers. The contest becomes stiff as one enters the professional arena. Those of us who cannot handle this extreme pressure have to pay a huge price in terms of physical deterioration, leading to strokes, heart attacks or mental burnout, causing depression and ultimately suicide," she further quips. Then how do we wriggle out of the mess? "Depression starts with mood swings, lack of sleep, appetite, estranged behavior, then it reaches our thoughts and distorts them, resulting in feeling of helplessness, leading to death wish and then planning and executing the attempt," says Dr Parmod Kumar, consulting psychiatrist from Mohali. "All in all, it's a long process and gives ample signals, which need to intercepted and addressed in time. Abroad, they even take pets for counselling sessions, but here we still shy away before seeking professional help. Just having a word with the person who is edgy can work wonders on him," the expert adds. There is a dire need to open up, chips in Gill. "Accept ups and downs, share it with those around us. If there is a flaw, admit it, it's very soothing. Also, families need to find time for each other and teachers need to be more observing and communicative with students," she suggests. "The situation needs a fast fix but it has to begin with bringing a transformation in the society. Parents need to understand that they are nurturing a long-term stress in their wards by constantly hovering around them. And those who already have a history of depression, should be constantly observed and counselled," opines Kaur. mona@tribunemail.com
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Love thyself, love thy partner
"Obviously there are going to be strong links between how you perceive your relationship and how you perceive yourself. But maybe there are not going to be such strong links between how you perceive yourself and how well you actually interact with your partner," said Holland, who led the research as part of her master's thesis. "Our question was whether personality traits get reflected not just in how people perceive their relationships, but actually how they're behaving toward one another - and how their bodies respond while they interact," added Prof. Roisman, a co-author on the study. For their study, the researchers gave dating, engaged and married participants a questionnaire about their own and their partners' personalities and the quality of their relationships. The subjects were asked to indicate where they fell on a spectrum of each of the "big five" personality traits: extroversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness and openness to experience. This part of the analysis confirmed that how an individual describes his own personality characteristics corresponds to how satisfied or dissatisfied he is in his romantic relationship. The team also compared the self-reported data to that obtained by observation and specific physiological measures. Trained observers watched videotapes of study participants as they discussed disagreements and agreements in their relationships, and coded each person on his or her positive and negative behaviours, such as smiling or scowling, avoiding or making eye contact, and so on. All participants were given final scores that reflected the balance of positive and negative behaviours and attributes observed. The researchers also measured participants' heart rate and skin conductance, a gauge of how much a person sweats, during their interactions. "Both heart rate and skin conductance have been linked to a host of important outcomes in interpersonal relationships, including the likelihood of divorce. It's a problem if you need to inhibit yourself greatly while having a conversation with your partner about the kinds of things that you would ordinarily be talking about and trying to resolve in your daily lives," Roisman said. The researchers found that the way the participants described themselves and their relationships was not strongly linked to how they behaved toward one another in the laboratory, which suggested that those studying relationships might need to look deeper than what individuals report about themselves and their romantic partners. "Romantic relationships are complex and multi-faceted, and, therefore, measuring the quality of romantic relationships should probably include a variety of approaches in order to get a more nuanced view of how the relationship is functioning," Holland said. The study has been published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. — ANI
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Patties to pasta The college canteen at GCG-11 gets a makeover
Let’s place our order for the day—mayonnaise-dripping burgers, cheese-laced pizzas, saucy pasta, spicy cholle bhature, tangy sambhar with dosa and chocolate-filled spring rolls. Wait a minute, steaming cups of coffee also. That’s it. Oops! Did the order get quite jumbo? But when you have the luxury to demand anything under a roof, then why not take the advantage of it and soothe your taste buds. We aren’t certainly talking about any multi-cuisine restaurant here, it is just a college canteen. Oh! We described it wrong. It is the recently-opened elaborate food court at the Government College for Girls-11 and has everything that we just mentioned. In fact, much more. Named Purple Talkies, the food court has five different counters that serve cuisines from oriental to Italian to South Indian to our all-time favourite Punjabi khana. Three cheers to the person who gave a reason to the girls of this college to party. Vipul Dua, the face behind the concept, talks about the renovated eating joint, “I wanted to bring something different to the college that would temp students to eat. You cannot expect youngsters to eat just kadi chawal or rajma chawal everyday in the canteen, so I thought a lot of variety would be a good change.”
Also, homework was done to make the menu, which include dishes beyond the obvious noodles, dosa and burgers. “We have introduced pizzas and pastas too, considering the fact that they are a favourite among youngsters.” As for the name, Purple Talkies, there is some thought behind that too. “Purple is the colour for youth and as it is a girls college, it is not something unusual to expect them to talk. It is a place where they can relax, eat and chat with friends,” avers Vipul. Are you tempted to take the Principal’s permission to binge on? ashima@tribunemail.com
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Street wise On November 29, the festival will commence with a play Paryawaran ka Vinash, a production of the Theatre Arts group. Written by Ashwini Sawan and Suvinder Pal and directed by Rajiv Mehta, the play highlights environmental pollution. The second presentation of the day Jara Bach Ke, aims at generating awareness on AIDS and also educates one about precautionary measures. Written and directed by Gaurav Sharma, the play offers a heavy dose of entertainment too. On November 30, the winner of Yuva National Sangeet Natak Award, Vijay Machal presents a classic play Dal Dal on drug abuse menace among youngsters. Director has evolved the play based on facts and figures about the addicts belonging to all strata of society. The festival concludes with a poignant play Kiran, which bares the unethical practice of female foeticide, dowry and the gender disparity. The play, which has run into many performances, is written and directed by the great theatre stalwart Gursharan Singh, revered as the Bhisham Pitamah of street theatre in the North. Akademi vice-chairman and thespian Kamal Arora said all art lovers were welcome to watch the socially relevant plays. Venue:
Manimajra Fort front Time: 11 am to 1 pm |
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Har shawl kuch
kahta hai “Every shawl has a story behind it — not just how it was made, but also how it was acquired,” says Aditi Desai, a shawl collector for last 25 years. And as you walk in her exquisite exhibition at Fabindia, you see her narrating the little pieces of history to her enthusiastic patrons, along with telling them the fine distinctions between toosh, Kashmir and cashmere wool. In the city for the second time with her collection, with pieces from all around the world, she says, “I have shawls and stoles that are available no where else. This year’s specialty is jamawar and dokani shawls created and restored by craftsmen from Najibavad.” Woven and worn in India for centuries, the meticulous craftsmanship of the Kashmiri shawl has captured the imagination and influenced fashion and textile design the world over. Talking about the jamawar and paisely shawl exhibition and sale, Saveen Sharma, market region head for Fabindia says, “We are showcasing this exhibition because we firmly believe that craft must become a part of our daily life, if it is to be sustained.” Aditi’s collection of around 190 shawls and stoles, out of which ten are only for display, starts from a price range of Rs 2000 and goes up to a few lakhs. On till November 28
mona@tribunemail.com |
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Get Floored
The well-known brand of Alps Industries Ltd, Vista, has over the years, created a distinctive niche in window dressings with its vast range of drapery rods, Venetian blinds, awnings and other accessories like scarf rings, tie back, topper valance etc. It has now forayed into laminated wooden floorings—-Vista floor fashions. Recently, the company launched an exciting collection of Vista hardwood floorings in 9.5 mm. The new products are available in a plethora of shades to complement any wooden décor. The world’s best and exotic hardwood from Brazil has been used to capture the timeless beauty of wood on to your floors. The species include Jatoba, Tauari, Cumaru, Muiracatiara, Sucupira and Angelina Pedra. The floorings are priced at Rs. 450 per sq. ft. onwards. Unlike wood, these floors require minimum maintenance. It is the only laminate wooden flooring available with a ‘hush factor’ that reduces sound reflection and transmittance. The floorings are resistant to UV rays, stains, indentation, impact, cigarette burns, household liquids and scratches. They are eco-friendly too. — TNS
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Management students recently abducted a
boy to compensate the losses in the stock meltdown. A jilted lover boy
jumped into a lake in Chandigarh sometime back. Schoolmates raped a girl
in Panchkula.
Indian superstar Shahrukh Khan will officially receive his Datukship on December 6. The Bollywood hunk will be conferred the Malaysian title of 'Datuk', akin to the British knighthood, state secretary Datuk Omar Kaseh, in a statement confirmed.
He might not have won season two
of Bigg Boss, but model-turned-actor Zulfi Syed says he has been
noticed by filmmakers after the reality TV show and is now getting good
offers.
University of Illinois researchers have found that measuring the quality of romantic relationships is more complex than previously conducted personality studies suggest. Psychology professor Glenn Roisman and graduate student Ashley Holland say that while personality has been found to be predictive of perceived relationship satisfaction and success, other measures of relationship quality may offer additional insight into how a romantic relationship is functioning.
Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City fame has
revealed that her character Carrie Bradshaw would not become a mum in
the movie’s sequel. The actress -producer, whose film adaptation of the
HBO television series rocked the box office after its May release this
year, confirmed that a sequel can be expected.
Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie revealed that her role of
a heartbroken mother in Changeling nearly prevented her from
trying for another baby. The Mr And Mrs Smith star stated
that the flick had such a major impact on her emotionally that it
made her wonder if she should try for another baby.
Of all performing arts, the genre of street theatre is the most meaningful and vibrant form through which artistes can convey their viewpoint to the audience in a subtle and satirical manner. Driven by this concept and an overwhelming response to such an endeavour at Kaimbala village recently, the Chandigarh Sangeet Natak Akademi is organising a two- day street theatre festival starting from November 29 near Manimajra Fort. According to Akademi chairperson Kamal Tewari four nukkad plays will be staged on socio-cultural issues ailing the society. 
