WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Busy doctor

Suffering from a bad case of flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can’t see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then."

Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing.

"Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"

"No I haven’t. What’s the problem?"

"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me."

"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks.

"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He’s carrying one of his ears in his left hand."

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?"

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the bathtub plug. Do you want a bed near a window or near the door?"

When her late husband’s will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse’s tombstone.

"Sorry, lady", said the stonecutter. "I inscribed ‘Rest in Peace’ on your orders. I can’t change it now."

"Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, ‘Until We Meet Again’."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma