|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A Handbook on Good Manners
for Children WE live in an age of aspiration fraught with self-doubt. Help manuals proliferate, advice columns feature in every magazine, private schools flourish. From nine months onwards, children may spend all their waking time being educated or enhanced by classes, groups and clubs. They are pampered and protected beyond the imaginings of previous generations and mostly they seem pretty horrible. I suppose there are some nice ones, but they are a rarity, usually closely related to me. The actor Sanjeev Bhaskar was asked in a recent interview to choose something extinct to be brought back to life. "Good manners," he said. As we know, the child is father of the man, and in the past the homunculi were expected to have manners. In the 14th century, William of Wykeham founded Winchester School with the thunderous motto ‘Manners Makyth Man’. "In courtesy I’d have her chiefly learned," wrote Yeats for his newborn daughter. "Hearts are not had as a gift, but hearts are earned." Courtesy, the art of making other people feel comfortable, valued even, the art indeed of imagining what it is to be another person, is derided these days as a form of hypocrisy. O tempora! O mores! What’s so awful about being wished a pleasant day? Erasmus of Rotterdam (the unkind said Gouda), the great humanist scholar, brought out this little book on children’s manners in 1530. It was an instant success and was translated from the original Latin into all the tongues of Europe; Erasmus had actually chosen to write in Latin to provide gentle instruction for his 11-year-old pupil. His basic tenet is that good manners will spring from "the ability to ignore the faults of others and avoid falling short yourself". This is the first book in Western literature to focus entirely on a child’s behaviour in society. Erasmus’s ideal is the attainment of civilitas through familial devotion, a liberal education in the arts, an acceptance of the duties of life and, most importantly, the practice and observation of good manners. He himself was born out of wedlock and grew up in various households and institutions. As an ordained priest, he did not marry or have children, but he adored family life, most especially enjoying it on lengthy visits to his beloved friend Thomas More who was deeply involved in the upbringing of his numerous children. The book is divided into 17 sections, each dealing with one aspect of social or physical presentation—the eyes, posture, table manners, and so on. His voice is kind but authoritative: "Puffing out the cheeks is a sign of disdain, whilst deflating them indicates despondency." Do not indulge in hysterical mirth, do not stagger in the theatrical manner favoured by bishops and Swiss soldiers, be civil and cheerful at mealtimes, never mentioning the drunken behaviour of others, ignore obscenity, rise above shyness by associating with older people and play-acting. While some think that standing with one hand on one’s groin is elegant and soldierly, Erasmus doesn’t like it; but it’s better than going around with both arms bent behind your back, which looks "sluggish and thieving" (male royals take note). At all times strive to avoid a running nose and an imbecilic expression, id in Socrate notu—as may be observed in Socrates. Erasmus is writing to a child but every point made applies equally to adults and is relevant enough today. "Was it not ever thus?" demands the translator. Well, yes and no. That this book was produced at all is an indication of a leisure gap in turbulent times. His friend Thomas More was beheaded five years later. God, war, and the axe shadowed Erasmus’s life. Merchant’s breezy, determinedly contemporary style promotes the notion that they were really just like us, those doubleted geezers back in the 16th. They weren’t. Finally, although in his will Erasmus left "a portion" for young women, in these pages females are to keep silent. As for dwellers in the countryside, they are too uncouth to mention. By arrangement with The Independent
|
