WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Heavenly call

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you calling from?"

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and takes his friend with him.

While he’s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts lying on the coffee table and finishes them off. As they’re leaving, the friend says to the guy’s grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Anytime, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off them."

A husband in a party was overheard telling his friend: "I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she’s been giving me lately."

The science teacher, during a lesson, asked a student to name any two major inventions`A0that helped man rise in the world. Pat came the reply,`A0"The alarm clock and the escalator, sir."

A lawyer sent an overdue bill notice to a client who had fired him. A note was attached that stated, "This bill is one-year-old!"

By return mail the lawyer got his bill back. To it was attached a card, which read: "Happy Birthday!"

A band performing at an outdoor concert kept playing although the crowd had dwindled down to one man. Finally, the tired musicians told the man that if he, too, left, they could all go home.

"It’s up to you," he answered. "I’m just waiting to put away all those folding chairs."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma