WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Tyre trouble

FOUR high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First Question: Which tyre was flat?"

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It’s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him."

One day, finding a wasp had entered the house, a wife shouted to her husband, "There’s a wasp in here. Do we have any spray?"

He told her there was a can under the sink.

"Honey," she called. "This is ant and roach spray".

"Well," her husband replied, "don’t show him the label."

Pill perfect

"Don’t swallow these pills," the doctor said. The doctor handed her overweight patient a bottle of pills. "Instead, spill them on the floor three times a day and pick them up one by one".

A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here is something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.

Eventually, a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with."

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator."

"I wouldn’t worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."

"But you don’t understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma