WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Great deal

A man bought a new fridge. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying “Free. You want it you take it.”

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal, so he changed the sign to read “Fridge for sale $50”. The next day someone stole it.

Medical term

A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

Night shift

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer $5 to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, “At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day.” “Can’t”, replied the farmer, “At night, I haul water for the hole.”

Obvious choice

A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?” “I don’t like her.”

Complimentary fare

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie!” Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, “Beautiful shirt.”

At this, the man called the bartender over. “Hey, I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”

“Oh, it’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender.

“They’re complimentary.”

Like a man

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, “Excuse me, did you want that cart?” “No,” he answered. “I’m only after one thing.” As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, “Just like a man.’

Compiled by Sunil Sharma