WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Will power

A man was bit by a stray rabid dog. His neighbour went to see how he was and found him scribbling furiously on a notepad. The neighbour told him that rabies could be cured and he didn’t have to worry about writing a will. He said, "Will, WHAT WILL? I’m making a list of people I’m going to bite."

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toenails so I bite them instead."

"Mom," said a little girl, "Is it right to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him water to drink?" "Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." "Well then, I’m going to milk the cat."

A woman is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died," she screams. Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First, I need you to give me your height and position." "I’m 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat."

A confused kid came to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the other day that the human race was created by God, but now Papa says that we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on a blackboard and announced that it had 260 degrees.

"But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees," called out a conscript. "Don’t be stupid," the sergeant roared. "This is a small circle."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma