rude shock
When it's time to leave a foul-mouthed boss
Lily Garcia

A reader writes: "I have a boss who is increasingly irrational and hostile, did I mention mean? I have tried to talk in `I feel ... when you ...' statements with no luck. It's not just me. I need a new job — problem is, I'm 57 and finding that very difficult. Also, my employer pays very well, so leaving would cost me bundles. I am close to the edge with this boss who seems to be provoking me sometimes — doing exactly what she knows I would hate. Several people have quit, so it would not be rational for her to invite me to leave also — she won't have anybody to work."

A close friend of mine once worked for such a boss. This manager's behavior was erratic and irrational and ranged from dismissive to openly abusive. My friend tortured himself for quite some time with the thought that, if only he could find the right approach, the right formulation for the expression of his concerns, then he might be able to get through to this person. No such luck. He finally came to the conclusion, as should you, that an irrational person is not susceptible to rational arguments.

Much has been written on the concept of corporate sociopathy. Try a quick search online and you will find an overabundance of blog sites, Web sites and books, mostly written by frustrated workers, exploring the pathology of their abusive supervisor's behavior. As he embarked on the long search for another job, my friend took comfort in such resources, ultimately "diagnosing" his boss as having narcissistic personality disorder and becoming a dedicated pupil of the coping techniques for those coexisting with narcissists. It may help you, as well, to tap into the vast community of employees toiling under mentally unwell supervisors. Finding common ground with others may help to ease your sense of frustration, validate your feelings and fortify you for the transition you need to make.

You do need to leave. Your boss may or may not fire you, but the important question is what you want. And it sounds like your modest desire is to be treated respectfully and rationally. So, start looking.

Being an older worker is not necessarily a job search liability. The right employer will recognize the inestimable value of the experience and wisdom you have cultivated over the years.

The National Older Worker Career Center (NOWCC) senior vice-president Joel Reaser reminds older workers to emphasise "life skills" that may not be evident on the face of a resume, such as the abilities to facilitate meetings, resolve conflict and build teams. "You don't need to excuse your experience or excuse your age," he says.

As you search for job opportunities, therefore, my best advice is to cultivate an awareness of your value. Many older workers, especially those re-entering the job market after retirement, tend to view their age as a liability. Focus instead on the importance of your experience, which encompasses not only technical proficiency but the wisdom and judgment only time can teach.