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Marriages often fail because husbands never understand the ambitions of their wives. A husband’s support — publicly shown when necessary — can change this and make a marriage secure and lasting, writes
Vimla Patil
The recent success story of Renu Khator, a young graduate from Farrukhabad, near Delhi, should encourage millions of Indian husbands to follow the illustrious footsteps of her loving husband Suresh Khator. Renu (52) was officially appointed the Chief Executive of the University of Houston in the US when the board of trustees confirmed her appointment. This appointment makes her the first ever Indian-origin woman to head a US university. What’s more dramatic is that her husband Siresh Khator has made this success possible by standing with her through her journey to the top of her profession. Looking back to their marriage, Suresh says jokingly that Renu was so opposed to marrying before her postgraduation in Farrukhabad that she went on a hunger strike to demand her right to education. "I persuaded her to marry me and promised that I would stand by her while she completed her education and built her career," says the jubilant husband. Now the whole world knows what a woman can do when her husband and family support her ambitions. Renu comes from the 16 Maheshwari families living in the Palla Mathiawali Galli in Farrukhabad and the whole region is celebrating the extraordinary success of their daughter. Renu has achieved this unique success after completing her school and early college education in Farrukhabad. She then went to Allahabad University for higher education. Nearer home, Shaina N C, now a famous fashion designer and young BJP party worker, has also found remarkable success in her career as a style and trendsetter and a political worker with the quiet but firm support of her husband Manish Munot. A mother of two, Shaina gives the credit for her success at a young age to encouragement given to her by Manish. "He has the remarkable quality of keeping a low profile and yet being there for me whenever I need him. "He is not the typical insecure Indian husband," says she. "He is never bothered about the recognition I get and actually pushes me to achieve higher goals."
Anil Ambani, one of the world’s richest men and an astute business tycoon, is one more husband who has stood up to support wife Tina Ambani throughout their marriage and helped her to create Harmony, one of the biggest art events in India. Ambani watchers appreciate the way he has overcome Tina’s association with other men prior to their marriage and brought a rare sense of security and dignity to their marriage with complete support. Today, they have two beautiful children and live a happy life. Yet another picture that comes to mind where supportive husbands/boyfriends are concerned is that of Sanjay Dutt and Manyata, the new woman in his life. Sanjay recently performed Mata ka Jagrata in his home and visited several temples with Manyata by his side though media reports said his family was not too happy about his association with her. The picture of Sanjay and Manyata covered with the chunari of the Mata, which appeared prolifically in the media, put paid to all objections and Manyata had to be accepted by sisters Namrata Kumar and Priya Dutt. Sanjay has been open about his relationship with Manyata and consistently treated her with dignity even through his trying days of the trial and imprisonment. There’s more heart-warming good news. More and more young men, who are about to marry, are taking pre-marital training courses to ensure that they become ‘good supportive husbands’ and to know how to make their marriage secure and lasting. All these stories have introduced a new leaf in the changing nature of the modern man-woman relationship. Earlier, somehow, the onus of making a relationship or marriage work and last was largely on the shoulders of the woman. She had to be a good wife, good mother, good homemaker, a good cook and give up all other interests, including her parental family, to make her relationship work. Many traditional marriage vows explicitly said that a wife would ‘abandon all others’ and only give her complete devotion to her husband and his family. Sanskrit verses defined a good wife as "a good cousellor, a good bedmate, a good dasi or service provider, a ‘mother’ who provides gentle and tender support to her husband and a symbol of forgiveness’. All this may be changing in this era of equality between men and women where marriage is concerned. Today, more and more couples are opting for mutual support and encouragement. "Change is evident in all strata of society. Because of the alarming number of break-ups and divorces, young Indians are suffering so much at a young age that they are re-thinking seriously about commitment. They take on the responsibility only when they are ready to handle it creatively and create a secure and lasting relationship. "When celebrities like Shah Rukh Khan, Anil Kapoor, Yash Chopra, Amitabh Bachchan and Abhishek Bachchan set examples, young people begin to think of the benefits of being loyal and supportive. Shah Rukh’s marriage has been almost blemishless," says Shaila Mehta, a busy marriage counsellor. "Hardly, if any, controversies have surrounded it. Shah Rukh makes it a point to publicly acknowledge the contribution of Gauri Khan — producer of his films and partner in his company Red Chillies Entertainment—-to his life and is completely supportive of her work. If he is King Khan, she is the queen bee of Bollywood, without compare. Not even the best chemistry that he shows with Kajol or Rani has affected his image as a devoted husband and father. Every public remark he makes proves that he values his marriage and fatherhood as precious relationships of his life. This makes young people think,’’ says Mehta "Earlier, successful men thought that wine, woman and song were the symbols of prosperity and, therefore, their prerogatives. Today, they are more aware that the calibre of women to achieve heights of achievement is the same as that of men and realise that they can be happy only when they respect and support their women at home or in workplaces. In answer, modern women, too, have learnt to appreciate male support and are doing their best to create better marriages and careers than during the low era of women’s emancipation. The so-called male-female confrontation seems to be on the verge of ebbing, at least in the urban complexes where men and women are equally educated and competent.
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