A combat with the Big C

The language of pain as well as grit is the same everywhere. Lt Gen Vijay Oberoi writes about three close acquaintances across three continents who took the fearsome cancer head on and came up trumps

The piece is a tribute to three of our very close friends who have stoically coped with the vicissitudes of life. My story encompasses three vastly different regions of the world, in fact three continents — Asia, Australia and North America.

Toni did not allow cancer to break her spirit

The expression ‘soldiering on’ is mostly associated with how military men (and women) lead their lives, while fighting with their men during war or training with them during interludes between wars. It is also associated with how military persons generally spend their lives while in service. This, I am afraid, is only a partial answer. The expression ‘soldiering on’ is a much broader and deeper phenomenon and is applicable both while a person is in service and perhaps even more when he hangs up his boots on retiring from his service. Let me also add that the spouses of military persons also imbibe this culture and become its adherents.

Let me start my story with Bruce Meldrum from New Zealand. Bruce and I were military advisors of our respective countries, at Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, in the early 1980s. We became good friends, as did our spouses. This friendship was nurtured in the years and decades that followed, by correspondence and exchange of visits. Bruce and his elegant wife Jan visited India and participated in our younger daughter’s wedding; this was in the mid-1990s. Late last year, my wife Daulat and I paid the Meldrums a visit and stayed with them in their lovely home in Auckland, overlooking one of the numerous bays which abound there.

Bruce Meldrum, a former chief of the New Zealand army and the writer’s good friend, soldiered on despite being afflicted with cancer

Bruce has always been a highly mature, intelligent and focused individual. These qualities, in conjunction with his professional acumen, took him to the dizzying heights of the Chief of the New Zealand army. But this piece is not about ‘affairs military’, but about character, strong will and even cussedness (but of the positive variety). It is the story, if you can call it that, of his fighting the Big C.

Since day one, when it was discovered that cancer was eating into his vitals, he took the decision that he would fight and not succumb to this dreaded disease. He did so till his passing away last year. When we were with Jan and him at Auckland, in October 2005, we saw him doing so with typical military proficiency. He used to get severe and excruciating pain in his legs, for which he had devised his own solution. He used to sit down on his haunches for a while, till the pain subsided. He did this irrespective of where he was.

For our visit, he had chalked out an elaborate programme. Despite serious bouts of pain, fever and other ailments related to the cancerous growth in his body, he ensured that the planned itinerary — which involved long drives to many interesting places and which must have been physically and mentally challenging — was not aborted. Instead of begging off, he ensured that we went to all the places planned and imbibed the beauty, culture and ethos of his beautiful country.

In the months following our visit, the spread of the cancer was faster, as were the many side-effects. Yet this great soldier and good friend ‘soldiered on’.

I next come to Toni, another close friend from our sojourn in Malaysia. Toni was the wife of Col John Root, the Air Force attach`E9 at the US Embassy. Tall and statuesque, with a radiant personality, Toni was the embodiment of many virtues, which are best described by that much used phrase in the US — ‘the All American Girl’. In Kuala Lumpur, as well as later, her exuberance and infectious laughter were unmatched. Outgoing is too mild a word to describe her personality. Vivacious, warm and spirited are words that come easily to mind.

We met up with Toni and John a couple of years later, when I went to the States as an International Fellow at the US Army War College in Carlisle Pennsylvania. This was in the late 1980s. Coming together once again was an exhilarating experience for both families. Toni had made it a point to come and stay with us for a couple of days at Carlisle.

Soon after we returned back to India, we learnt that Toni too had cancer. While everyone who knew Toni was saddened and devastated by this grave turn of events, Toni was determined to initially ignore it and thereafter fight it, and she did just that. She did so for many years, till early this year, on April 13, when she lost this uneven battle. The last couple of months were hard on Toni’s health but she ‘soldiered on’.

A file photo of Col Mini Mohite

My last protagonist in this piece is my erstwhile commanding officer, Colonel Mini Mohite. It was under his command that I had fought the Indo –Pakistan War of 1965 and was severely wounded, losing one leg in the process. Widely travelled, he loves to narrate stories of yore, whether they are about hunting (he was an avid hunter during his younger days) or about human foibles. He now fights court battles and champions the cause of the environment, instead of the shooting wars he was trained for.

At 80, he is now fighting cancer, and what a great fight he is putting up. Even though medicines have had a bloating effect on him, he has neither lost his sense of humour nor his zest for life. Having put on more than 15 kg weight in a couple of months, on account of the strong medicines, many do not recognize him, till they hear his booming voice. He always makes it a point to draw attention to the weight he has put on.

I do not think any cancer can put down Mini or affect his exuberance for life; he ‘soldiers on’ regardless, spreading cheer amongst his friends and pooh-poohing any concern they show for his health.

This piece will not be complete unless I highlight that in all the three cases cited above, there was or is a spouse, daughter or daughter-in-law, standing doughtily in the background, caring, supporting and being a pillar of strength. They also ‘soldier on’ in their own way.

These are some examples of ‘soldiering on’ which one has glimpsed and felt at close quarters; there are many others, especially in the military, but this cult, if I may call it so, needs to spread amongst everyone. Adversity of any type needs to be confronted head on, with good cheer, humour and an optimistic outlook. Ups and downs are a part of everyone’s life. The trick is to ride them in such a manner that the ups seem longer lasting than the downs.

In short, we must ‘soldier on’ and make life brighter for all.

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