Love to survive

They cannot afford to fall out of love. Meet the relationship addicts whose life is lost without love and who derive satisfaction by constantly searching for companionship, reports Ritusmita Biswas

It’s sad when a romance ends. It signifies a time of introspection, sadness and most importantly, solitude. But not for likes of Sujoy Basu. Known in his immediate circles as a flirt and incapable of serious relationship, Sujoy, however, denies that he is not so. "I am not a flirt. But yes, I have that fear of staying alone. So when I am out of a relationship, I immediately start looking for someone else. I am afraid that the world will laugh in my misery. So after a broken relationship, I try not to show my grief and portray a carefree attitude while looking for another partner. This gives me the reputation of flirt and a person incapable of serious love," he says.

People like Sujoy are quite a few in number and if psychologists are to be believed, they are on the rise. "Today’s youngsters are obsessed with love. They want to be perennially into relationship and for that reason, relationships on rebound are very common. This neither gives them time to heal nor adjust to the new relations," says psychologist Tanya Basu.

For these people end of a relationship means time for another to begin. They jump into another relationship before understanding the dynamics, resulting in another break-up and so the cycle continues. Psychologists believe that these people cling to the notion of connectedness with someone in order to avoid loneliness or feeling of being unlovable which they associate with being single."This generation is insecure and also craves for constant thrills. This results in less permanent relationship as they scout from one relation to another in search of that elusive ideal," Basu says.

Coupled with that is the thought of losing social prestige if seen alone. Says 23-year-old Vedika Sahnay: "I broke up with my boyfriend just before Christmas and was miserable all through the New Year. I didn’t want the world to pity me and laugh at me. So I missed all the New Year bashes but resolved I would go to the Valentine bash in my college with a new beau. And I said yes to Rakesh who had proposed me a year back," she smiles.

For today’s generation it seems that not having a girlfriend or boyfriend to flaunt is a matter of loss of social prestige. "Of course we need to have a date to be in the social circle or else we will be left out," says 19-year-old Dona.

"Not love but at times peer pressure forces the teenager to get into a relationship that he/she might not be sure about. What follows is disappointment, heartbreak and relationships on rebound. It’s a vicious cycle," says Anusuya, mother of 16-year-old Anuradha.

Agrees Mita (17): "I broke up with my boyfriend and I am bored. I would hate to be left out of all couple parties. I think I will be attached pretty soon. After all, it’s good to feel someone cares for you," she says.

Psychologist Anindya Das believes that relationship addicts have a very poor self worth. "They look for relationships to complete themselves. They are depressed and want to cling to someone," he says.

Rama (name changed) says: "I have never been out of a relationship. Every time I resolve to give myself a break I find there’s nothing to look forward to. I am depressed and jump into another affair," she says.

Psychologists say that the relationship addicts are so scared of being out of a relation that they start looking for one the moment they realise the first relationship is in trouble.

What is worrying is that they are getting more and more cases of people who are obsessed to be in a relationship. "Being depressed if you have lost someone you love is but natural but what we see in teenagers today is that they are depressed as they feel if they lose a boyfriend/girlfriend they have lost face in their society. This is not a healthy trend. Further, today’s generation have almost lost faith in the concept that love is immortal and relationships are for keeps. Many of them, especially those from broken homes, do not believe in the sanctity of relationships anymore. No wonder we see young boys discussing that they would rather go to Bangkok for a holiday than have a wife! This is a dangerous trend," says social worker S Das who has been working with teenagers and children for a long time. —TWF

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