WEBSIDE HUMOUR
In the dock

THE patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning. The husband picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The wife said, "Who was that?"

The husband replied, "I don't know, a man wanting to know if the coast is clear."

An airhead suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!" The airhead replies, "Shut up! You're next!"

A father saw his teenage son walking with a lantern and asks, "Where you going boy?" The son smiled and replied, "I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The father said, "When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me any lantern."

"Sure pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got."

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse, and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When her former employer questioned her action, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

Drunk to pedestrian: "Hic, wh-which is the other side of the street?"

Pedestrian: "There"

Drunk: "Very...strange. When I was that side, a chap told me it was this side."

There once was a man who muttered a few words in church and found himself married. A year later, he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily, "I never make way for fools!"

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, "I always do."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma