WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Lost & found

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren’t looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient:`A0 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?

Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I’ll miss you."

A feisty little old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery.

One of the contemporary paintings caught her eye and she inquired of the tour guide, "What on earth is that?"

He smiled condescendingly. "That, dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and child."

"Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn’t it?"

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin five and Ryan three.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma