WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Landing in trouble

On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. "Start preparing for landing when you’re at 300 feet."

One student asked, "How do you know when you’re at 300 feet"?

"A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognise the faces of people on the ground."

She thought about this for a moment before saying, "What happens if there’s no one there I know?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘there’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

"And there’s the teacher; ...she’s dead."

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his mother, "How was I born?" "Well honey, the stork brought you to us," said the slightly prudish mother. "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?", the boy persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother. A few days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A pastor got up one Sunday to preach and`A0announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets."

"Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father’s den, "I’d like to kiss you goodbye before I go to school."

"You’re too late, honey. Your mother just did that two minutes ago, and I don’t have any cash left on me."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma